


Cognizance

by Dreaminofyou



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-03 23:38:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11542812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreaminofyou/pseuds/Dreaminofyou
Summary: Cosima's been keeping a big secret from Delphine. One moment changes everything. Relationships are tested and formed. One thing is for sure, there's no going back.





	1. Chapter 1

**_Cognizance_ **

**_by: Dreaminofyou_ **

 

 

_You can’t avoid me forever, Cosima. We need to talk. Please._

Cosima curled into a ball at reading the latest text message from Delphine. She’d avoided her for three days and didn’t plan on trying to contact her anytime soon. How could she possibly face her after what she’d done? Why did she have to let her feelings take over that night?

Cosima sighed taking off her glasses and throwing them haphazardly onto the other side of her bed. She brought her arms up and laid them on her forehead trying to rid the thousand thoughts that were running through her head.

Her phone buzzed and Cosima peeked one eye open to the side table where her phone lay. If it was Delphine again, she was probably going to start crying.

She picked up her phone and sighed in relief at the name displayed across the screen.

_Scott: Cosima? Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you all weekend._

I slid the lock open slowly on my phone and contemplated whether I should tell him what happened Friday night. He was the only person who knew about my feelings for Delphine. It was sort of an accident how he found out but honestly it was relieving. Scott never pressured me to talk about anything if I didn’t want to. He was always there to listen and for that, I’ll forever be grateful to have him as one of my best friends.

 _Can you come over_? I typed a reply and waited for his response.

I stared at the screen and waited to see his response. Not more than ten seconds later, he responded.

_I’m on my way._

I smiled lightly thinking to myself what I did to deserve a friend like Scott. I grabbed my glasses and slid them back onto my face. I gathered my papers that were scattered on my bed and tried to neatly put them in order.

I’d stayed in my apartment the entire weekend not wanting to go out in case I ran into Delphine. I immersed myself into my research paper that was due in two weeks and ended up finishing the entire thing. I guess that’s’ the only good thing that came out of this situation. I usually stayed up all night before a paper was due but this was a first.

Not five minutes later, I heard a soft knock at the door.

“Cosima, it’s me.” I heard Scott say softly.

I took a deep breath and walked over towards the door. I opened it slowly and avoided eye contact as I let Scott in.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Scott removing his jacket and placing it on the side of the couch.

“So, what’s up?” he asked taking a seat on the couch and intertwining his hands.

I paced the room not knowing how I should start telling him about what happened Friday night.

“Cosima?” Scott asked worriedly.

“I…God Scott I don’t even know where to start,” I said walking over towards him and falling back against the couch.

“Does it have something to do with Delphine?” he asked and my head popped up at the question. Did Delphine say something to him?

“Why would you think that?” I asked, wanting to know if Delphine had said anything to him about that night.

“She looked really…I don’t know how to describe it. She just looked completely lost this morning in class. She hardly said two words to me,” he said shrugging his shoulders.

“Cosima, what’s going on?” he asked shifting in his seat so he was facing me completely.

“Okay, do you remember Friday night? The party?” I asked nodding my head towards him.

“Yeah, of course.”

“I did…God Scott I did something and now I’ve ruined everything,” I said shaking my head towards him.

“What do you mean?” he said shaking his head with a confused look.

“I…I was tipsy and you know….angry that Mark showed up at the party. Well when I was about to leave, Delphine stopped me and pulled me into a room to ask what was wrong and I just...” I trailed off not knowing how to explain exactly what happened.

“You just what?” he asked and I all I could do was stare at him for a few seconds before answering him.

“I…kissed her,” I said barely above a whisper. Scott’s eyes widened and I could see the look of shock overtake his features.

“You…you like kissed her….on the mouth?” he asked and I nodded slowly waiting for him to say something.

“Yes, I don’t know what came over me. I was so angry seeing Mark all over her all night and when I saw them dancing, I just....I lost it,” I said shaking my head as I replayed that night in my head.

“Wait, so was it just a peck? Or like a full on kiss?” he asked as his eyebrows rose on his forehead.

“Uh… well we were arguing and I guess she got annoyed that I wasn’t telling her why I was leaving so she turned to leave and I grabbed her hand and turned her around and just…I kissed her. I couldn’t help it,” I said bringing my hands up to my face and covering my eyes.

“Did she push you away?” Scott asked and I lowered my hands from my face.

“I think she was too shocked about me kissing her to do anything. I was the one that pulled away after a few seconds. She just had this look of shock on her face and she was just staring at me with her mouth hanging open. I just ran out of there after that,” I said shaking my head and leaning back against the headrest.

“God, Scott how am I ever going to talk to her again? She’s surely put the pieces together. She knows I like her and she probably knows now that that’s the reason I hate that asshole, Mark.”

“Cosima, hey look at me,” Scott said reaching up and grabbing my hand gently. Tears gathered in my eyes and I didn’t want to tell him how scared I was of losing Delphine. She was my best friend and I loved her more than anything.

“Everything is going to be okay,” he said pulling me forward and into his arms. I sighed gently into Scott’s neck and wrapped my arms around him tightly. Scott was always right about everything so this had to be true, right?

“What if she told everyone I kissed her? Nobody knows about me but you,” I shakily said as he rubbed my back gently.

“Delphine wouldn’t do that,” he said shaking his head lightly.

“She keeps trying to call and text me but I just don’t know what to say,” I said honestly. Scott loosened his grip on me and pulled back from our hug.

“Talk to her, Cosima. That’s the only thing that is going to solve this. If she has a problem with you know…you liking girls then that’s her problem. If she can’t accept you for who you are then she doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life,” Scott said adjusting my glasses that were slipping down the bridge of my nose.

“It’s not just that, Scott. She could totally be okay with the gay thing but what if she’s not comfortable being around me anymore? She obviously knows I like her as more than a _friend_ ,” I said shaking my head as more thoughts raced through my head.

“Cosima, stop. You’re going to drive yourself crazy with all these thoughts. You need to talk to her,” he said gently squeezing my shoulder reassuringly.

I nodded my head knowing everything he said was true. I needed to talk to her.

* * *

  
The sound of someone knocking at my door startled me awake. I squinted my eyes at the clock on my bedside but couldn’t read what time it was without my glasses. I felt around the bedside table until I felt the familiar touch of my glasses and quickly pulled them on.

2:43 a.m.

“Cosima,” I heard the familiar voice say and if I wasn’t awake a few moments ago, I certainly was now. Why was she here at two o’clock in the morning? Well obviously I knew why she was here but why would she come in the middle of the night like this?

I threw the covers off of me and wrapped my robe tightly around my body. I flicked on the light in the kitchen and stopped a few feet from the door.

“Cosima, open the door. Please,” I could hear her pleading outside. Her voice sounded different. It sounded wounded and more raspy then usual.

“Please,” I heard her whisper softer than she had pleaded before. I brought my hand up towards my face and gently covered my mouth not wanting her to hear me. God, was she crying? Tears filled my eyes and my hand shook as I kept it tightly over my mouth.

I could hear her sniff lightly outside my door and I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed the doorknob and opened it before I talked myself out of it.

The sight of her just standing there left me breathless. He curled hair was up in a messy bun and she had no makeup on. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her eyes looked slightly red and I cursed myself knowing I was the one who had caused that.

“Cosima,” she breathed out softly.

“I…” I trailed off not knowing what to say. She stepped forward so quickly I jumped slightly in her arms as she wrapped them around me. The intoxicating smell of her hair filled my nostrils and all I could do was inhale the heavenly scent as my arms wrapped around her waist.

Her grip around me tightened and I had no idea why she was hugging me of all things. Shouldn’t she be yelling at me right now? Asking me a thousand questions as to what happened that night?

She did none of that. She held me in her arms and from the looks of it; she wasn’t planning to let go anytime soon.

I knew I needed to talk to her so I loosened my grip slightly but I think she sensed I was about to pull away. She tightened her grip even more not letting me leave her embrace. I shut my eyes again and tucked my chin into the crook of her neck. I brought my hands back up and wrapped them around her waist tightly.

“Delphine,” I mumbled gently into her shoulder but she shook her head and walked me backwards slowly into my apartment.

She walked me backwards all the way into my room and I pulled away from her gently, confused by her actions. Didn’t she want to talk?  
  
“We can talk in the morning. I just…I missed you and wanted to see you,” she said softly taking her jacket off and pulling me down onto the bed. This wasn’t uncommon for us. We were always very touchy feely with each other and we often fell asleep next to one other.

“Okay,” I said, not knowing what else to say as Delphine rested her head on my shoulder. She was obviously not uncomfortable around me so that was a good sign. I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes as Delphine brought her arm up and draped it across my waist.

I don’t know how long I stayed awake listening to Delphine breathe softly into my ear. I felt guilty for avoiding her the entire weekend. We were incredibly close and it was uncommon for us to go even a day without seeing each other.

I finally shut my eyes letting my body completely relax in my bed. Knowing that she was here, lying in bed next to me felt like a good sign. I could never be upset at Delphine for not feeling the same way about me. That’s not what scared me the most. What scared me the most was Delphine not being comfortable around me anymore once she found out about me. That’s what kept me up many nights in the past.

I smiled lightly to myself knowing that that wasn’t the case here.

We would talk in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

I squinted my eyes open at the sun shining through my open window. I closed my eyes slowly intending on falling back asleep but something shifted on top of me. Soft blonde curls tickled my nose as Delphine shifted slightly in her sleep. My eyes widened when I realized that Delphine was still asleep on top of me.

 

I looked down and my arm was wrapped around her waist as she laid her head on my chest. Her head rose softly as I inhaled and exhaled and I couldn’t help but stare down at her beautiful face. Her eyes shifted back and forth between her eyelids and I wondered what she could be dreaming of.

 

The sound of my alarm clock blasted through the room and never in my life have I wanted to smash it more than this moment. Delphine stirred in my arms and I cursed under my breath as I gently moved her so I could reach for my alarm clock.

 

I quickly pressed the off button and the room was taken over by silence once again. All I could hear was my heavy breathing.

 

“Mhm, what time is it?” Delphine asked stretching her arms above her head. I looked over at her and saw that her shirt had ridden up slightly. The sight of her baby soft skin came into view and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it.

 

“Cosima?” Delphine asked sitting up and pulling her shirt down. Shit, did she see me staring at her?

 

“Um…it’s 7:15,” I said looking over at her. Her eyes looked sleepy and I watched as she moved her neck from side to side as she rubbed the side of it.

 

“I uh…I should get ready for class,” I said, gesturing towards the restroom. I was about to get up from the bed but a soft hand on mine stopped me.

 

“Um…do you think we can talk after your class?” she asked looking up at me as I stood by the side of the bed.

 

“Yeah, sure,” I nodded my head not sure of what else to say. Since when did I become so speechless around Delphine? This was the one person I could talk hours upon hours with.

 

“Okay, is it alright if I wait for you here?” she asked softly.

 

“Of course,” I said and watched a smile stretch across her face. I could stay here and look at her all day but I knew I needed to start getting ready or I was gonna miss my class.

 

“I’m going to sleep a bit more, okay?” she said lying back and tucking her face into my pillow.

 

“Okay,” I said nodding my head and heading towards my restroom. How the hell was I going to be able to pay attention in class knowing Delphine was going to be waiting for me?

 

Shit.

 

~~

 

Class was an absolute bore as usual. Why did they make us take courses that have nothing to do with our major? I fucking hated political science. Why did I leave it to the last minute to take?

 

I jiggled my key into my apartment door and closed it gently not sure if Delphine was still asleep or not.

 

I placed the coffees on the table I had picked up for us and slowly walked towards my room. I was right. Delphine was sound asleep and I smiled lightly. Whenever she slept over, she had to always be hugging something. Most of the time it was me but on the rare occurrence, she would steal my pillow if she were turned the other way and hug it while she slept.

 

I walked into the room quietly and sat down beside her. I reached up gently and moved a few fallen strands of hair from her face. She stirred slightly and I pulled my hand back slowly as she opened her eyes.

 

“You’re back already?” she asked in her raspy morning voice.

 

“Yeah, I just got back. I got you a coffee,” I said gesturing to the table in the kitchen.

 

“Thank you,” Delphine said swinging her legs over the side of the bed and standing up.

 

“Come here,” Delphine said waving me over with her hand to join her in the kitchen.

 

This was it.

 

When I got to the kitchen, Delphine had already sat down and started drinking her latte. She patted the seat next to her and gestured for me to take a seat next to her. I gulped lightly and nodded my head and sat beside her looking anywhere but into her eyes.

 

“Look at me,” Delphine whispered placing her warm hand on top of mine.

 

“Hey,” Delphine said, reaching forward and tipping my chin upwards so I would look at her.

 

“Why didn’t you return any of my texts or calls?” Delphine asked and I just shook my head and shrugged my shoulders.

 

“I was…embarrassed…angry...sad,” I said going on and on telling her all the emotions I felt the past couple of days.

 

“You were angry at me?” she asked raising her eyebrows a bit.

 

“No, no not at you. At myself,” I said shaking my head and looking down into my lap.

 

“For kissing me?” Delphine asked.

 

“Yes. Delphine, I’m so sorry that I kissed you. I don’t know what came over me. I just…I saw you with Mark and…God I don’t know what happened. All my feelings just came boiling to the surface and I couldn’t help it anymore,” I said letting out a sigh of relief that I finally told her.

 

“So that’s why you don’t like Mark,” Delphine said nodding her head lightly.

 

“That’s not the only reason. He’s an asshole and a player,” I said shaking my head as the image of him popped into my head.

 

“I’m still slightly confused,” Delphine said. She shook her head lightly and I could tell she was trying to make sense of everything.

 

“I like you,” I whispered honestly.

 

“Are you umm…do you only like women? Or both?” she asked taking another sip of her latte.

 

“Just women,” I said not holding anything back. I didn’t want to hide anything from her anymore.

 

“Oh, okay.” Delphine said nodding her head slightly.

 

“Are you okay with that?” I asked hopefully.

 

“Cosima, of course I’m okay with it. Did you think I wouldn’t be?” she asked shaking her head lightly.

 

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure. I thought you would feel uncomfortable around me knowing I liked women. That’s why I never told you or anyone else for that matter. Well except Scott,” I said reaching onto the table for my coffee. I took a sip thinking it would still be piping hot but to my displeasure, it was lukewarm. I frowned and stood up from my seat and headed for the microwave.

 

“Scott knows?” Delphine asked sounding quite surprised.

 

“Yeah uh, I told him awhile ago,” I said popping my coffee into the microwave and setting the timer for thirty seconds.

 

“Why would you tell him and not me?” she asked looking a bit hurt.

 

“Delphine, it’s not the same,” I said opening the door to the microwave and retrieving my coffee.

 

“It’s one thing getting it out there and telling someone you’re gay. But telling the person who you’ve actually _liked_ for so long that you’re gay is a different story,” I said sitting back down beside her. Delphine just nodded and took another sip of her latte.

 

“How long have you felt this way?” she asked curiously.

 

“Uh…well I was never really attracted to guys in high school but when I got to college, I knew. Probably about three years ago,” I said thinking back to when I finally accepted who I was.

 

“We met three years ago,” Delphine said softly and I just nodded.

 

“You were kinda the girl that made everything clear for me,” I said smiling softly.

 

“I made you realize you were gay?” she asked raising her eyebrows lightly.

 

“Yeah. Look I’m sorry to drop this on you all at once but I just wanted to be honest with you. I’ve hid so much from you and honestly it feels relieving to finally tell you the truth,” I said sighing out in relief that everything was out in the open now. There were no more secrets between us.

 

“Wow, I…I don’t know what to say,” she said just above a whisper.

 

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. I promise I wont like… kiss you out of the blue or anything again. I know you’re not gay,” I said to which she just nodded.

 

“At least I got to kiss you once,” I said laughing slightly hoping to lighten the conversation a bit.

 

“Was that your first time kissing another girl?” she asked and I choked a bit on my coffee.

 

“Uh…yeah um…you were my first,” I said feeling my cheeks blush red.

 

“I’m sorry it was such a bad kiss. I kinda just… stood there,” Delphine said cringing slightly.

 

“No, Delphine please. I wouldn’t trade that kiss for anything in the world,” I said reaching out and squeezing her hand lightly. Delphine stared down at our intertwined hands and I honestly couldn’t tell what was going through her mind.

 

“I should probably keep things like that to myself, huh?” I asked chuckling lightly.

 

“No, please. You don’t have to hide anything from me anymore,” she said squeezing my hand gently.

 

“So I can tell you that you look drop dead gorgeous everyday?” I asked smiling up at her.

 

“Oh, yes. Please,” she said flinging her hair to the side gently as she laughed along with me.

 

“Come here,” she said standing up from her seat and opening her arms. I stood up from my seat and walked into her warm embrace.

 

“Nothing is going to change between us, “ she said placing a gentle kiss on top of my head.

 

I sighed into her arms and couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

“So you told her everything?” Scott asked as we walked side by side down the street towards the café.

 

“Yeah, uh…she knows everything,” I said, smiling to myself at the memory of how good Delphine took the news.

 

“I’m really happy for you Cosima,” he said wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into his side.

 

“Thanks, Scottie,” I said wrapping my arm around his waist.

 

“So, like…what’s the plan?” he asked and I looked up at him confused. Plan? What plan?

 

“What are you talking about?” I asked reaching forward and pulling the door open to the café.

 

“How are you going to convince Delphine that you’re the one for her?” he asked walking behind me. I stopped suddenly and he smashed right into my backside.

 

“What?” I asked incredulously.

 

“I thought you were in love with her?” he asked raising his eyebrows slightly.

 

“I am but that doesn’t really change anything. She’s straight, I can’t force her to be attracted to me. It doesn’t work that way,” I said shaking my head and heading towards the line.

“Yeah but now she knows how you feel so you can work your magic and get her to fall for you,” Scott said and I just laughed at how ridiculous he sounded. Work my magic? Get Delphine to fall for me?

 

“Scott…she doesn’t feel that way about me,” I said pointing towards the croissant I wanted to the cashier.

 

“So you’re just gonna not do anything about it? Wow, okay I didn’t think you’d give up this easily. Especially now that she knows,” Scott said ordering the usual, a turkey and avocado Panini.

 

“I’m not giving up. What do you want me to do? Seduce her? I’ve never seduced anyone in my life!” I said flinging my hands in the air.

 

“All I know is if I loved someone as deeply as you do, I wouldn’t give up just like that. Who knows, maybe she could be open to it. I mean, she didn’t push you away when you kissed her, right?” he asked pointing towards an empty table near the back.

 

“Scott, she was completely shocked when I kissed her. It’s not the same thing. I didn’t even give her a chance to react,” I said untying the belt to my coat and slipping it off.

 

“I still say go for it. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t at least try,” he said and I cocked my head to the side gently. Could I really make Delphine fall for me?

 

Damn Scott for always being right.

 

~~~

“Hey,” I smiled as Delphine opened her apartment door for me.

 

“Bonjour, Cosima.” Delphine said leaning forward and kissing me lightly on each side of my cheeks. I absolutely loved it when she did that. The first time she did it, it sort of shocked me. I’m not a very touchy feely person; I don’t kiss my friends hello or goodbye at all.

 

When Delphine started doing it everytime we said hello or goodbye, I became to like it even more, but only with her. Being so close to her and getting to smell her wonderful perfume always put me in a better mood.

 

Delphine walked back into her apartment and back to the couch where I could tell she was seated before. Her laptop was open and she had a half empty glass of wine on the side table.

 

“Are you busy?” I asked swinging my coat and bag over the kitchen chair.

 

“Non, I was just finishing up some work from this morning. I was in the lab all day looking at samples. My neck is killing me,” she said leaning her head to the side and rubbing it slightly.

 

“Want me to massage it?” I asked sitting down beside her and placing my hands on her shoulders.

 

“God, yes please,” she said and I smiled as she pulled her hair to the side giving me access to her neck. She had a large turtleneck sweater on and I tried pulling it down slightly so I could place my hands on her neck but it wouldn’t budge.

She growled lightly and the next thing I knew she was slipping her sweater over her head and throwing it to the side. She was left only in her lacy purple bra and I gulped lightly.

 

She turned her head back to look at me and she must have just realized what she did. It wasn’t uncommon for us to give each other massages. Both of us knew what it was like staring into microscopes all day and coming out with a sore neck.

 

“Oh, I…I um…” she said reaching forward for her sweater and covering her front.

 

“I forgot that you…” she whispered. She forgot what? That I was a lesbian?

 

“Delphine, I’m not going to jump you just because you took off your shirt,” I said finally gaining the courage to talk.

 

“You’re okay with me like this?” she asked letting her sweater fall from her front.

 

“Yes, Delphine. Just because I find you incredibly attractive doesn’t mean I don’t have any self-control,” I said placing my hands on her neck, working my thumbs into her sore muscles.

 

“I didn’t mean to presume…” she started to say but I shushed her and waved it off.

 

“Just relax,” I said and she nodded and leaned back into my touch. I worked my fingertips into her muscles and closed my eyes at the soft little moans she was letting out. Was she trying to kill me on purpose?

 

“Mhm, you always know exactly where to massage to make my pain go away,” she sighed out.

 

“That’s because I know your body,” I said. Delphine always had the same ache in her neck in the exact same spot. I’d massaged it plenty of times and I knew exactly what to do to get her to feel better.

 

“You mean my drop dead gorgeous body?” Delphine asked. I could feel her body shaking as she laughed lightly.

 

“Shut up,” I said playfully back towards her, “it’s not my fault you have the most beautiful body ever,” I said running my hands gently over her shoulders.

 

“Cosima, you must need a new glasses prescription because I definitely do _not_ have the most beautiful body,” she said still laughing.

 

“You do to me,” I said barely above a whisper. The room grew quiet and I continued my massage, letting my hands roam down her arms over and over again.

 

“I umm…thanks,” she said turning around and staring back at me.

 

“You’re welcome,” I said smiling back and her and patting her back lightly letting her know I was done with the massage.

 

“You should start charging for those massages. Seriously, you would make some a lot of money,” she said kiddingly.

 

“Well pay up then. I think you owe me well over a thousand dollars with all the free massages I’ve given you in the past,” I said jokingly.

 

“I don’t have that kind of money,” Delphine said pushing my shoulder softly as she smiled.

 

“Well then you’ll have to pay me back some other way,” I said leaning forward slightly. I watched Delphine’s eyes travel to my lips and then back up towards my eyes. Our faces were a few inches apart and I could feel her breath on my lips. The sound of her phone ringing sent us both jumping apart.

 

We both looked over at her phone that was lying on the table in front of us.

 

_Mark_

 

I frowned lightly when I saw his name displayed across her phone screen. Why was he calling her?

 

“I umm…” she said picking up her phone and walking into the other room to answer it.

 

I sat there and couldn’t believe what had just happened. Who was I to be mad at her for still talking to Mark? She’d told me many times before how much she likes him and I felt sick to my stomach. Couldn’t she see that he was just trying to get in her pants? What did she see in him anyway?

 

“Um, Mark is coming over so I can help him with his biology paper,” Delphine said walking back into the room. My blood was boiling at the sound of his name and I just sat there not knowing what to say. Was she silently telling me to leave?

 

“Don’t worry. I’m leaving,” I said getting up from my seat and walking towards the kitchen where my coat and purse were.

 

“Cosima, please. He’s just coming over so I can help him. He really needs to get a good grade on this paper or he’s going to fail the class,” Delphine said walking up towards me.

 

“Whatever,” I said wrapping my scarf around my neck and pulling my purse strap over my shoulder.

 

“Is this how you’re going to act every time I hang out with Mark? He’s my friend,” she said crossing her arms gently.

 

“Yeah, a _friend_ who wants to have sex with you,” I said shaking my head and looking up at her.

 

“What makes him different from you then?” she asked and I could tell she immediately regretted what she had said. She shook her head and reached for my hand but I immediately pulled it away.

 

“No, wait Cosima. I didn’t mean that,” she said pleadingly as she tried reaching for my hand again.

 

“No, stop please. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. Forgive me,” she said grabbing my forearm and pulling me towards her.

 

“Please don’t throw my feelings in my face like that. Do you know how hard it was for me to tell you about that?” I asked my voice rising with every word.

 

“You don’t, do you?” I said brushing her arm off of me.

 

“I never should have kissed you that night. I never should have told you about my feelings. I knew this would all blow up in my face sooner or later. God, I’m such an idiot,” I said turning around and reaching for the doorknob.

 

“Stop running away from me all the time,” Delphine said raising her voice behind me as she slammed her hand against the door.

 

“You’re upset with me because I want to see Mark? A guy that I’ve been interested in for so long? What do you want me to do, Cosima?” Delphine asked raising her hands in the air.

 

“I want you to _realize_ that he’s not good for you,” I said shaking my head towards her.

 

“Then who is, Cosima? That’s what you say about every guy that I’ve ever liked in the past. You always say that they are not good enough for me. Who is good enough then? You?” she asked growing more upset by the minute.

 

“You know what? I think you should go,” she said reaching for the doorknob and yanking it open roughly.

 

“I…I just want you to be with someone who appreciates what they have. I’ve seen Mark jump from girl to girl and I just…I don’t want to see you get hurt,” I said honestly.

 

Delphine’s expression softened and she nodded her head down towards me.

 

“Cosima, I understand that you’re just looking out for me but you need to let me make these decisions by myself,” Delphine said in a much softer tone than she was speaking before.

 

“Okay, I won’t get in the way anymore,” I said nodding my head slowly and turning around to leave. I felt like I had just been stabbed in the chest. I couldn’t be angry with Delphine for not feeling the same way about me as I do her. It was her life and if she wanted to be with someone else, then I wasn’t going to stop her.

 

“Hey,” Delphine said grabbing my hand and stopping me from leaving.

 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” she said nodding her head towards me. I nodded and she let go of my hand. She smiled lightly at me before shutting the door and leaving me outside her apartment.

 

That was the first time in a long time that she didn’t kiss me goodbye.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I walked the streets in a daze after I left her apartment. All I could think about was Mark being there with her. Was she going to let him kiss her? Were they gonna go further than that? I shook my head and tried to rid my brain of those awful thoughts but nothing was working.

 

Where the hell was I anyway? I had been walking for about thirty minutes and I had absolutely no idea where I was now. I looked up and saw I was in front of a little dive bar called Tony’s. I shrugged my shoulders and walked in, knowing I needed a drink to calm my nerves.

 

The smell of smoke immediately invaded my lungs as I walked into the bar. There were a few older guys playing pool but other than that, the place was empty. I let my fingertips graze across the bar stools until I finally stopped and sat down in one of them.

 

I glanced around for any sign of the bartender but there was no one in sight.

 

Great, just great.

 

“Shay! There’s a customer waiting!” I heard someone shout from the kitchen. Not a few moments later a girl walked out from the kitchen.

 

I had to admit… she was beautiful.

 

I watched her walk over towards me and smile as she got closer.

 

“What can I get you, beautiful?” she asked and I smiled at her term of endearment. Her eyes were absolutely stunning.

 

“Uh…scotch on the rocks, please,” I said smiling back at her. She placed a small napkin in front of me and nodded her head.

 

“I’ll be right back,” she said winking one of her eyes at me.

 

Was she flirting with me? I smiled as I watched her place a few ice cubes into my drink and then pour the scotch.

 

“There you go, sexy,” she said placing the drink gently in front of me.

 

“Ha, you did not just call me sexy,” I said playing with the side of my glasses.

 

“Excuse me? Have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re totally sexy. You have that mysterious, sexy nerd vibe going on. Totally digging it,” she said leaning forward onto the bar counter. Her shirt didn’t leave much to the imagination. Her breasts were practically spilling out of her shirt and I couldn’t help but glance down towards them.

 

“You like my shirt?” she asked, completely catching me staring at her and I didn’t know what else to do but laugh nervously. Busted.

 

“Mhm, a shy, mysterious, sexy nerd,” she said as she leaned forward even more into my space.

 

“What are you doing later tonight? “ she asked and I couldn’t help the smile that grew across my face.

 

In that moment, Delphine and Mark were the furthest thing from my mind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your kind comments! They motivated me to write another chapter! Let me know what you think of this one :)


	3. Chapter 3

“Morning, Sunshine,” someone said next to me as I stirred awake. I growled lightly not wanting to wake up just yet. Why did my head hurt so much?

“Are you going to sleep all day or do I have to force you out of bed?” the person said and everything came crashing down on me at once.

_Shay_

I shot up in bed and immediately regretted it because the pounding in my head increased significantly.

“Ahh, my sexy nerd has finally awoken,” Shay said laughing as she sipped carefully from her mug. 

“Shay?” I asked, not believing she was still here after what happened last night.

“I’m still here. You’re not hallucinating,” she said taking a seat next to me on the bed.

“God, I’m so sorry about last night. Just…when I drink I get really emotional and,” I started to say but she cut me off and placed her finger lightly on my lips.

“Hey, shh. There’s nothing to apologize for,” she said shaking her head and smiling down at me.

“So, who’s the lovely Delphine?” she asked and my head popped up at her question. Exactly how much did I tell her last night?

“Huh?” I asked sitting up in bed and looking around the room for my robe. It was a little chilly in the room since I passed out last night and didn’t put the heater on.

“You know, the girl who you couldn’t stop talking about last night,” Shay said as I finally spotted my robe.

“Oh uh, she’s my best friend,” I said walking over towards my dresser and yanking the robe on.

“Ahhhh, I see. Classic. Best friend falls for _straight_ best friend. Bummer man,” she said and all I could do was nod my head.

“Exactly how much did I tell you last night? I’m a little lost here,” I said trying my hardest to remember.

“Well you invited me over to your place. I definitely didn’t see my night going the way it did last night though,” she said shrugging her shoulders.

“Could you explain a little further please?” I asked scrunching my eyebrows.

“Well when we got back to your apartment, you kissed me,” she said and my eyes widened. I kissed her? Oh, shit. A clumsy me flashed into my mind and I could see myself awkwardly kissing Shay.

“Don’t worry about it, hun. I thought that’s what we would be doing all night actually but I guess you had someone else on your mind,” Shay said shrugging her shoulders.

“I’m sorry, it’s just this thing with Delphine…I don’t know how to explain it,” I said motioning for Shay to come into the living room with me. She nodded and followed behind me.

“Hun, I totally get it. You’re in love with your best friend. I got the whole story last night,” Shay said plopping herself down on the sofa.

“What exactly did I tell you?” I asked not really remembering all the details I spilled.

“Well you told me about how kissed her a few days ago at a party. Something about a guy named Mark that you quote,  _“ would like to kick in the balls”_ , “ Shay said laughing lightly as she shook her head.

“And how you had a _moment_ in her apartment yesterday after you massaged her,” Shay said leaning forward to grab her mug off the table.

“Are you sure she’s not into you? Me and my friends don’t normally give each other massages or fall asleep together in bed,” Shay said raising her eyebrows lightly.

“God, I need to stop drinking around people,” I muttered under my breath.

“I have no idea. She’s really hung up on Mark and I just don’t think she feels the same way about me as I do her,” I said shrugging my shoulders as I looked down at my entwined hands. I looked up and I could see a smirk coming across Shay’s face. What in the world was going through her mind?

“I just had the most awesome idea ever,” she said and I cocked my head to the side curiously.

“True colors always come out when a person is jealous. We’re going to make her jealous,” Shay said nodding her head towards me.

“Jealous? Jealous of what?” I asked confused.

“You my dear... just got your first fake girlfriend,” she said and I raised an eyebrow towards her.

“Delphine is totally going to flip at our relationship. We’re going to be hanging out and your going to cancel plans with her to hang out with me. Sooner or later she’s going to crack and then bam! True feelings will be exposed and you can thank me for bringing you guys together. I expect your first born to be named after me,” Shay said enthusiastically.

“You’re crazy,” I said laughing softly at her extravagant plan.

“You want to be with Delphine or not?” Shay asked seriously.

“Of course I want to be with her,” I said nodding my head.

“Well this is the perfect way for her to come to terms with how she really feels about you,” Shay said.

“Okay,” I nodded and I could see the excited look on Shay’s face at my reply.

“Damn, this is going to be fun. Delphine is totally going to hate me for stealing you away from her just wait and see,” Shay said smiling.

“So like…what’s the plan?” I asked curiously.

“I’m still working out all the details but I got this. My ideas work best when I wing it so expect me to fill you in at the last minute on things,” Shay said and all I could do was nod.

“Okay, babe. That’s what I’m going to call you from now on in front of Delphine just to piss her off,” Shay said shifting in her seat so she was completely facing me.

“So how far do you want to go with the PDA?” Shay asked and my eyes widened. PDA?

“Huh?” I asked not sure where she was going with this.

“We have to act like a couple so we need to do couplely things. We should totally have her walk in on us making out,” Shay said rubbing her hands together. It looked like she was coming up with thousands of ideas in her head. Was this actually a good idea?

“Shay are you sure this is going to work? What if it ruins my relationship with Delphine?” I asked worriedly.

“Cosima, calm down. I can see you overthinking things. This is going to work, I promise,” Shay said reaching forward and grasping my hand in hers.

“Okay,” I said taking a deep breath and trying to calm my nerves.

“So about the PDA. We can hold hands and kiss now and then, you know regular couple shit,” Shay said nodding her heads towards me silently asking if that was okay.

“Yeah, that sounds fine,” I said.

“I might spontaneously grab you and kiss you if I see Delphine coming towards us or something. That okay?” she asked and all I could do was nod.

“Get up,” she said gesturing for me to stand. What was she going to do now? I stood up and took a step backwards because she was too close to me.

“Cosima, stand right next to me,” Shay said pointing towards the floor. I gulped and took a small step forward. My eyes widened when Shay wrapped her arms around my torso.

“You need to look comfortable around me,” Shay whispered as I avoided eye contact. Eye contact was not something I was comfortable with.

“Look at me,” Shay whispered gently turning my face towards hers.

“I..uh…I’m just not comfortable with eye contact. It’s freaky, especially when I don’t know the person that well,” I said trying my hardest to not look away from her.

“Well you better get comfortable with me because we are going to be in this position a lot. Now kiss me,” she said and I cocked my head back a little. Did she just say to kiss her?

“Are you serious? Why?” I asked. Delphine wasn’t around, so what was the point of kissing her?

“Considering the way our kiss last night went...you need some work,” she said and I narrowed my eyes at her. What exactly did that mean?

“Excuse me?” I asked slightly offended.

“Just kiss me, Cosima. I’m not asking you to strip and have sex with me so calm down,” Shay said and I sighed out and closed my eyes.

“Okay, just like…give me a sec,” I said taking another deep breath. After a few moments I opened my eyes and leaned forward. I pressed my lips to Shay’s for a few seconds then pulled away.

“That was _terrible_ ,” Shay said and I couldn’t hide the shocked look that came across my face.

“Kiss me like you mean it,” Shay said and I shook my head at the ridiculous situation we were in. I leaned forward again and kissed her. I captured her bottom lip in my mouth and held it in mine for a few seconds before I let go.

“Was that better?” I asked mockingly.

“It could still use some work but it was better. You need to open your mouth when you kiss me. None of this pecking shit. We’re not five years old,” Shay said nodding her head.

“Well excuse me,” I said still slightly offended.

“You’re excused. Now grab my ass,” Shay said and my mouth dropped open.

“ _What!_ ” I asked grabbing her hands and pulling them away from my hips.

“I’m not going to grab your ass. I would never grab your ass in front of Delphine even if you were my real girlfriend!” I said throwing my hands up in the air.

“Look, this is going a little too far. I sure as hell am not going to grope you while Delphine is around,” I said seriously.

“Cosima, calm down. This is for when Delphine catches us making out,” Shay said grabbing my hands and pulling me back towards her.

“I’m just not comfortable grabbing your ass. I’ll just have my arms wrapped around you or something. Delphine’s not going to see me grabbing your ass and suddenly realize she wants to be with me,” I said shaking my head.

“Okay, fine. No ass grabbing,” Shay said looking quite disappointed, “I’m just saying it would look a lot hotter and steamy but oh well.”

“Anything _else_ we need to practice?” I asked crossing my arms.

“No, that should be it. Just relax around me. Let loose. You’re very tense,” Shay said reaching up and grasping my shoulders in her hands. She squeezed them lightly and I closed my eyes trying to relax.

“I need to run but I’ll be back later tonight. Is that okay?” she asked as I opened my eyes to meet hers.

“Yeah, uh…I’ll order us some food and we can talk a bit more,” I said nodding my head.

“Sounds good. Now give me a kiss goodbye for practice,” Shay said smirking back at me.

“God, you’re insufferable,” I said leaning forward and placing my lips against hers. Shay wrapped her lips around my top lip and sucked gently. My eyebrows raised and I kissed her back softly. This felt nice. I could get use to little kisses like this. Although, I wish it were someone _else_ I was kissing right now.

“Much better, babe,” Shay said pulling back and smiling back at me.

“I saved my number in your phone,” Shay said walking towards the door and opening it.

“Text me later tonight,” she said blowing me a soft kiss. I pretended to catch it and it and she laughed lightly shutting the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad to see you all are enjoying the story! comments are much appreciated. :)


	4. Chapter 4

“God, woman, why are your muscles so tense?” Shay asked as she kneaded her hands into my back.

“ _Ow_! Why are you so rough?” I asked groaning painfully as Shay continued to massage my upper back. What did this girl do in her off time? Lift weights? She was so strong!

“You literally have like ten knots in your back. Just relax, it’ll hurt more if you fight it,” she said and I scoffed. I squinted my eyes as she continued her rough massage and after relaxing for a few seconds, the pain seemed to go away a little bit.

“See?” Shay said applying more lotion to her hands as she rubbed up and down my back. Where the hell was Delphine? She said she would be here like twenty minutes ago. She usually came over after her class but she was running late for some reason. I didn’t bother to text her back though. Shay came up with the brilliant plan for Delphine to walk in on us like this.

“You’re going to break my back before Delphine even comes,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Shut up and relax,” Shay said pressing my head back down into the mattress.

“I think I hear someone walking down the hallway,” Shay said climbing on top of my back and sitting on top of me. She quickly reached for my bra clasp trying to pry it open but ended up snapping it against my back.

“Damn it! My hands are full of cream,” she said trying again and I panicked as I heard the footsteps in the hallway getting closer.

“Why are you taking off my bra!” I asked trying to move her hands away from my back.

“So I can wrap it around my face. Why the hell do you think?! It’s sexier!” Shay said finally succeeding at unclasping it. She yanked the bra down my arms and threw it across the room as I heard someone trying to unlock the door.

I looked up but was quickly shoved back down by Shay’s hand on the back of my head. Her hands immediately returned to my back and I felt her run her hands down my lower back.

“That feel good, babe?” Shay asked a little too loudly. God, could she make it anymore obvious? It sounded like she was talking to me from across the room when in fact I was right next to her.

“Cosima?” I heard Delphine say as she walked into my room. My head shot up and Shay let out a gasp as if she was surprised someone was in my apartment.

“Oh my God!” Delphine said covering her eyes as she looked down at Shay and I on the bed. She turned around to leave the room but ended up slamming into the doorframe. My eyes widened as I saw Delphine wince in pain.

“ _Delphine!_ ” I said pushing Shay off of my back and running towards her.

“I’m okay…I think so,” Delphine said wrapping her hands around her nose.

“Is it bleeding?” I asked peeling her hands away from her nose so I could see better. Delphine hesitated as I gently moved her hands away from her nose. She opened her eyes and immediately they widened as she stared down at me. What was she staring at?

“Might want to cover up, babe,” Shay said throwing my bra across the room and smacking me right in the face. My face turned beet red and I quickly wrapped my arms around my torso. How the hell did I not remember I didn’t have a bra on?

“I uh…I’ll wait in the kitchen,” Delphine said still pinching her nose as she avoided eye contact with me. I watched her walk out of the room and almost attacked Shay for putting me in that situation. She fell back onto the bed trying to hold back her laughter but wasn’t doing a very good job of it. I closed the door gently to my room and walked quickly back over to the bed.

“You _asshole_!” I whispered roughly picking up the nearest pillow and shoving it into Shay’s face.

“Hey! I’m not the one who jumped out of bed with my tits flying everywhere!” Shay replied back still laughing. I yanked my bra back on as quickly as possible and peeled my shirt back over my head.

“You…just stay in here,” I said pointing my finger towards her warningly. I took a deep breath before I opened the door. I spotted Delphine sitting at the kitchen table with her fingers still pinched over her nose.

“Hey, sorry about that,” I said walking up towards her. She jumped slightly at the sound of my voice.

“Is it bleeding?” I asked placing my hands gently on hers silently telling her to let me see.

“Just a bit,” she said opening her eyes. I followed her eyes and watched as they glanced down towards my chest for a split second.

“Let me get you some ice,” I said walking quickly over towards the freezer and pulling out an ice pack.

“Here,” I said softly offering her the bag of ice.

“Thanks,” she said staring back at me as I took a seat in front of her.

“I didn’t mean to walk in on you and…” Delphine said pointing towards my room.

“Shay. Don’t worry about it,” I said waving my hand towards her like it was no big deal.

“Shay?” she asked curiously.

“Yeah uh…she was massaging my back. I pulled a muscle last night and she was just uh…helping me with it,” I said saying the first thing that came to mind. Delphine opened her mouth to say something but I heard the door creek open from my room.

“Babe?” Shay asked coming out in nothing but her bra and underwear. My eyes widened and my jaw fell open. What the hell was she doing?

“I’m going to take a shower. I’m all sticky and sweaty from our workout this morning,” Shay said winking towards me as she smirked at me.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said motioning towards her that it was okay. I prayed that she would walk back in the room but to my horror she walked further into the room. She stopped right next to Delphine and I watched as Delphine lifted her head and stared up at her confused.

“Excuse Cosima for her rudeness. I’m Shay,” she said holding her hand out towards Delphine waiting for her to shake it.

“Oh uh Delphine…it’s nice to meet you,” Delphine said outstretching her hand and shaking Shay’s hand.

“Sorry you had to walk in on us like that. Cos didn’t tell me anyone was coming over,” Shay said looking over at me.

“I…lost track of time,” I lied shrugging my shoulders.

“Well it was lovely meeting you,” Shay said and I silently cursed under my breath as Shay lingered a bit longer.

“I’ll be in the shower, babe,” Shay said turning around. Her ass was practically on full display with the thong she had on. I wanted nothing more than to throw my head into my hands and crawl into a box.

“So uh…when did that happen?” Delphine asked turning back towards me as Shay shut the door to my room.

“Last night,” I mumbled.

“Did she stay the night?” she asked raising her eyebrows lightly.

“Uh yeah,” I lied standing up and grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge. I quickly unscrewed the top and gulped down the water.

“You don’t think that’s a bit….fast? I mean where did you even meet her?” she asked and I looked down at her as she held the bag of ice to her nose once again.

“We met at a bar,” I said honestly.

“A bar?” Delphine asked incredulously, “Cosima, what’s gotten into you?” Delphine asked standing up from her seat.

“What I do or who I do for that matter is none of your business. Isn’t that what you told me last night about you and Mark?” I said throwing what she told me last night back in her face.

“Cosima, that’s not the same and you know it. I’ve known Mark for months and on top of that, I haven’t even slept with him! You met this girl last night and you already slept with her! She could be in your room stealing for all you know,” Delphine said throwing her arms up in the air.

“She’s not stealing anything,” I sighed out not wanting to fight again with Delphine.

“What do you even know about her, Cosima?” Delphine asked shaking her head.

“I know that she likes me. She’s fun to be around. Can’t I have fun?” I asked taking a sip of my water.

“Of course you can have fun, Cosima. I’m just not sure she’s the girl you should be having fun with,” Delphine said eyeing the door to my bedroom.

“Well I like her,” I said not knowing what else to say. I can’t believe I was thinking this but I actually wanted Shay here right now. She would know exactly what to say.

“Okay, okay. What time are we meeting at the movies?” Delphine asked, “Scott said there was a showing at 6:45.”

“Uh, I’ll need to ask Shay,” I said knowing Shay would want to come tonight. She told me to include her in all my plans from now on so I assumed she would come tonight.

“Ask Shay? What is she your keeper?” Delphine asked narrowing her eyes.

“No, she’s not my keeper. I told her we were going to the movies tonight and I invited her,” I said and Delphine’s mouth fell open slightly.

“Is that a problem?” I asked wanting to see if she’d say anything further.

“No, it’s fine. Maybe I’ll ask Mark to come,” she said shrugging her shoulders and looking away from me. The blood in my veins boiled at the sound of his name and I couldn’t help but grit my teeth together.

“I’m gonna head out. Scott mentioned something about going to dinner before the movie. He said he would text you,” she said standing up from her chair with the ice pack still pressed against her nose.

“Okay,” I said still slightly upset that Delphine was thinking of inviting Mark. Who was I to be mad at her about inviting him though? I invited Shay after all.

“I’ll just let myself out, Bye,” Delphine said walking towards the door. Before I could even get a goodbye out, she was out the door. Was she that upset with me for inviting Shay along for the movie? Could she be…jealous?

I sighed out and shook my head not wanting to overthink the situation like I normally did. Hopefully tonight wasn’t a disaster.

~  
So it turns out Scott had to cancel his plans with us. He said he had to rush to the lab because apparently something went wrong with his test samples for his project.

To make things even worse, Mark accepted Delphine’s offer to join us for the movie. I rolled my eyes as I saw him walk in to the restaurant beside Delphine. His hand was on Delphine’s lower back and I frowned as he pulled Delphine’s chair out for her to sit.

“Sorry we’re late. We got caught up working on his paper,” Delphine said smiling up at Mark. He smirked back at her and I couldn’t help but think they were late for another reason. Was this plan actually backfiring and I was pushing Delphine into Mark’s arms?

“I’m Shay,” Shay said extending her hand towards Mark. He raised his eyebrows and smiled looking at me then back at Shay.

“Mark, nice to meet you,” he said shaking her hand. I locked eyes with Delphine and the smile left her face immediately. What the hell? I could feel the heat rising in my body and I just felt like screaming.

I felt Shay grab my hand on the table and squeeze it lightly. I glanced over towards her and she was silently telling me to keep calm. I knew that look.

“Uh…” Mark said staring down at our intertwined hands. He glanced over towards Delphine and she was staring at our entwined hands as well.

“Are you guys like… _together_?” he asked looking at me for an explanation.

“Actually we are. Do you have a problem with that?” I asked cocking my head to the side daring for him to say something. Anything that would give me a reason to tell him off. I felt Shay’s grip tighten on my hand as I waited for a response.

“No, not at all,” Mark said putting his hands up innocently.

“I just didn’t know you were into chicks, that’s all,” he said grabbing the menu in front of him and giving it a lookover.

“Babe, what are we going to order?” Shay asked grabbing the menu beside her and picking it up. I knew she was trying to distract me but all I wanted to do was reach across the table and slap that sly grin off Mark’s face.

“Whatever you want, we can split it,” I said softly. I gave her hand a slight squeeze letting her know that I was okay now.

“What about the pesto pasta?” Shay asked pointing towards the menu at that specific item. Before I could even respond, Delphine interrupted.

“Cosima doesn’t like pesto. She only likes marinara and alfredo sauce on pasta,” she said knowingly towards Shay. I glanced over at Delphine and she quickly looked back down towards her menu.

“No worries,” Shay said nonchalantly, “we can order either one of those,” Shay said smiling at me.

“Damn, everything looks good,” Mark said and I rolled my eyes as he wrapped his arm around Delphine’s chair. He leaned into her side and placed his chin on her shoulder looking at her menu now instead of his.

Before I could stop myself my foot went flying, hitting Mark right in his shin. I watched the pained look come across his face and I couldn’t help the small smile that came across my face.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Mark said through gritted teeth as he reached down towards his leg.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I felt something on my leg and thought it was a spider or something. Turns out it was just my napkin,” I said laughing slightly.   
“Uh…don’t worry about it,” Mark said still rubbing his leg under the table. I glanced towards Delphine and somehow she _knew_ I kicked Mark on purpose. Her look said it all.

“So Shay, what do you do for a living?” Delphine asked and I couldn’t help but wonder where she was going with this.

“I actually bartend over at Tony’s. It’s a little bar not too far from here. It’s actually where Cosima and I met actually,” she said winking at me and giving my hand a light squeeze.  
  
“So you’re not going to school? That’s what you want to do the rest of your life?” Delphine asked raising her eyebrows with a frown on her face. I narrowed my eyes at Delphine but she ignored me.

“Nah, I never enjoyed school. I actually co-own the bar with my uncle. And yeah, that’s how I plan on making a living,” Shay fired back.

Delphine’s jaw fell slowly at hearing Shay was part owner of Tony’s bar. Guess she wasn’t expecting that. I leaned in closer to Shay and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. She turned in my arms and pecked my cheek softly. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Delphine gripping the table like her life depended on it.

“Dude, you own a bar?” Mark asked in disbelief, “That’s fucking awesome,” he said as he reached across the table to high five Shay. She chuckled and slapped his hand lightly.

“Thanks,” she said waving her hand towards him, “Stop by and I’ll give you a free round of drinks,” Shay said nodding her head towards him. Shay turned towards me and reached up slowly, pushing my glasses gently up my nose. They were always falling forward and I was constantly adjusting them.

“Thanks,” I whispered leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on her cheek.

“You sure picked a good one, Cosima,” Mark said referring to Shay as he gave me a thumbs up.

“I did, didn’t I?” I said smiling at Mark as I squeezed Shay into my side.

“I…um…I don’t feel very well,” Delphine suddenly said softly. Shay and I looked over at her and she was just looking down at the table shaking her head.

“I think I’m just gonna go,” Delphine said as she stood up from her seat. She threw her napkin on the table and before any of us could even get a word out she was heading towards the door.

I was about to get up and follow her but Shay held onto my side silently telling me to let her go. Mark shook his head and looked at us with confused eyes.

“I don’t know what’s up with her today. She’s been acting weird all day,” he said shrugging his shoulders as he stood up from his seat.

“I’m gonna go see if I can catch up with her,” he said waving goodbye as he jogged out of the restaurant.

“This plan is working a lot faster than I thought, ” Shay said turning towards me.

“She looked really upset,” I said as I glanced out the windows of the restaurant trying to see if Delphine was out there.

“Well, duh. She’s totally in denial,” Shay replied reaching forward and taking a sip of her tea.

“Denial?” I asked lifting my hand up and motioning for the waiter to come over.

“Couldn’t you see how defensive and protective of you she was being? She may as well have sat me down in a dark room with a bright light shining on me and interrogated me further,” Shay said grabbing the bill from the waiter as he set it down. We would just grab something to eat on the way out.

“She’s starting to get jealous,” Shay said grabbing one of the mints the waiter left for us and popping it into her mouth.

“You don’t think I should have gone after her?” I asked standing up from my seat and wrapping my scarf around my neck.

“No, that’s probably what she expects you to do,” Shay said reaching down and grabbing my hand. I looked down at our hands and wondered why she reached out for mine. Delphine wasn’t even here? I shook my head and just let her lead me out of the restaurant.

“You still want to see the movie?” Shay asked running the pad of her thumb across the top of my hand softly. Her touch was so gentle. It felt nice.

“Yeah, of course,” I said looking over at the cinema that was just across the street.

“Good, because I really wanted to see it,” she said leaning into my side as she grasped my arm in her free hand. We quickly crossed the street after making sure it was clear of any oncoming cars. We walked hand in hand up to the ticket booth and I could see the young boy staring at us, well Shay to be exact.

“Hello,” he said, his voice quivering slightly. I chuckled at the guy’s face. He literally had no shame as his eyes roamed up and down Shay’s body. I mean, I couldn’t blame him. Shay was gorgeous.

“I’ll take two tickets for Endless Night. One for me and one for my girlfriend,” Shay said in a much deeper voice than usual. The guy looked like he was about to fall out of his chair with the way Shay was staring at him.

“I uh…I actually get to give away two free tickets a day so here you go,” he said staring deeply into Shay’s eyes.

“Well aren’t you just a sweetheart,” Shay said winking as she reached inside the ticket booth. She brushed her fingers gently across his and I heard him gasp lightly.

“I’d give you a kiss on the cheek to thank you but my girlfriend is the jealous type,” Shay said shrugging her shoulders. I narrowed my eyes at her as she smiled back at me.

“Thanks again, handsome,” Shay said blowing him a kiss as she grabbed my hand and dragged me inside. Shay sure was a sweet talker.

“Are you going to seduce the employee behind the snack bar for some free snacks, too?” I asked and Shay just frowned at me.

“Ha! Considering what I’m about to order, my skills in seduction aren’t gonna cover it,” Shay said pulling me gently towards the counter.

The employee greeted Shay and I watched as Shay rubbed her hands together as she stared down at the candies on display.

“Okay, I’ll take an order of nachos, extra cheese please. A large cherry slurpee, a packet of M&M’s, and…” she said eyeing the candies once again. I stared at her in shock as she ordered two more boxes of candies.

“What do you want, babe?” Shay asked looking back at me. I stared at her for a few seconds still in shock of how much she ordered.

“Uh, I’ll take a cherry slurpee, too,” I said reaching inside my purse for my wallet. Shay quickly placed her hand on my arm and pulled it out of my purse.

“I got it,” She said smiling at me as she pulled out two twenty-dollar bills from her back pocket.

“Could I get a tray please?” Shay asked as she struggled to hold everything she bought.

“It’s okay, I’ll help you,” I said reaching out and placing some of her candy boxes in my purse.

“Are you seriously going to eat all of this? Thanks for my slurpee by the way,” I said as Shay got her change from the employee.

“Rule number one about me, I eat like a horse and I have no shame,” Shay said as we handed our tickets to the employee. He quickly ripped off one end and told us what theater our movie was in.

As we walked into the theater there were just a few people there. This movie had been out a few weeks so I wasn’t surprised.

“Come on, let’s sit in the back so we can make out,” Shay whispered in my ear from behind. I stumbled on the stairs and almost face planted as I took in what Shay had just said. Did she really just say that? I turned around slowly and stared down at Shay who burst into a fit of giggles.

“God, lighten up! I was just kidding,” she said pushing me lightly.

“I never know if you’re serious or not!” I said trying to whisper because the people already seated were giving us dirty looks.

I made my way to the back row and walked down the aisle until we were right in the center. I sat and placed my purse in the empty seat next to me.

“You’re lucky I even offered to let you make out with me. I’m quite the catch,” Shay said winking at me as she dunked her tortilla strip inside the gooey cheese sauce. A little bit dripped down the side of her lips and I guess she didn’t feel it.

I pointed gently at the side of my lips gesturing to her that she had something on the side of her mouth.

“You want me to lay one on you, babe?” She asked puckering her lips and leaning forward towards me.

“Hey!” I said reaching out and grasping her shoulder in my hand. With my free hand I grabbed the napkin she had off her lap. “I was trying to tell you that you have cheese on the side of your lip,” I said shaking my head at her with a smile.

“Uh huh, sure. You totally wanted a kiss but backed out at the last minute,” Shay said smirking at me.

“Oh, shut up,” I said hushing her as the lights dimmed. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and pulled it out to silence it. Delphine’s name appeared across the screen and I glanced over at Shay who was going to town on her nachos. My jaw fell open realizing she was almost done with them. Guess she wasn’t kidding about her eating like a horse. Shay looked over at me and smiled as she offered me her last nacho. I shook my head lightly and watched as she finished them off.

“Can you pass me my candies?” Shay asked whispering into my ear. Her voice sent shivers down my body and I nodded reaching into my bag. I handed Shay her candies and saw my phone light up once again. I shook my head lightly and turned my phone on silent.

I zippered my purse shut letting my phone go to voicemail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Thanks to everyone who's left a comment :) As you guys can see Delphine is starting to become jealous...:) Stay tuned for the next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

“Absolutely not. There’s absolutely no way I’m doing that,” I said shaking my head at the ridiculous plan Shay had come up with.

 

“You’re doing it,” Shay said sticking her finger into the peanut butter jar and scooping up a large blob.

 

“No,” I said shaking my head once again. There was no way in _hell_ I would do it.

 

“Think of what the conversation could lead to. Maybe you guys will have another _moment_ when she’s giving you tips,” Shay said and I leaned forward placing my head in my hands. Where did Shay come up with these sort of things? I mean seriously?

 

“This is absolutely _insane_! You want me to ask Delphine about tips on how to _please_ you? What does she know about pleasing a woman?!” I asked incredulously.

 

“Uh, maybe because she is a woman herself? First of all, she’ll be jealous. Second of all, she’ll help you out because you’re her best friend. Lastly, maybe she’ll give you some tips on what she likes for future reference…you know when you guys are finally together,” Shay said and I shook my head at her crazy plan. To be honest, she had some solid points.

 

“There’s absolutely no way I’ll be able to get the words out and ask her that. Can’t we do something else?” I asked pleadingly.

 

“No, this is the plan and we’re sticking to it,” Shay said reaching for the notebook on the side table.

 

“ _God_ ,” I said sighing out as I watched Shay scribble a few things onto the notepad. Now what was she doing?

 

“Okay, you’re going to invite her over tonight. Have some dinner and then your going to bring up the topic about _muah_ ,” she said holding her hand to her chest.

 

“Tell her that you’re a total virgin when it comes to lady sex and you want to know what women like in bed,” Shay said with a straight face.

 

“Oh my God, I’d rather be punched in the face then ask Delphine that,” I said seriously.

 

“Well too bad. You better start thinking of ways to talk to her about this. I’m serious, this is a genius plan,” Shay said and I closed my eyes and shook my head once again.

 

“Delphine’s not only going to think I’m crazy, she’s also going to know that I don’t know how to please a woman!” I said standing up from the couch and pacing in front of the TV.

 

“You literally told her that she was the first girl you kissed. She knows you have no experience,” Shay said stretching her legs out on the couch where I had been seated.

 

“Tell her that you feel intimidated by my sexy body and just want to do anything to please me,” Shay said smirking before she burst into a fit of giggles.

 

“You enjoy embarrassing me, don’t you?” I asked frowning at her as she continued to laugh on the couch.

 

“Okay, you don’t have to bring up my sexy ass body. Just start the conversation however you want to,” she said swinging her legs over the couch and throwing the blanket that was covering her onto the armrest.

 

“I need to get over to the bar,” she said walking into the kitchen and grabbing her coat.

 

“Invite Delphine over. Just trust me. This is going to work, okay? You’ll be thanking me tomorrow,” she said and I shook my head still doubtful.

 

“Call me tomorrow, okay?” Shay said heading for the door. I nodded my head and waved her goodbye as she walked out the door.

 

I pulled out my phone and hesitated as I pulled up my text messages to Delphine. I could feel my heart racing and I hadn’t even done anything yet. What the hell was going to happen tonight when I actually tried to talk to her? What if I passed out from being so nervous?

 

Shit.

 

/

 

“Um, I was wondering if you could come over, “ I said biting my lip nervously as I held my phone to my ear.

 

“Now?” Delphine asked sounding quite surprised.

 

“Yeah, I haven’t seen you in a while and I uh…I need to talk to you about something,” I said placing my hand on my forehead. I was already nervous and to be honest embarrassed for what was going to happen tonight. I honestly didn’t know if I was going to be able to get the words out and ask Delphine for advice.

 

“Is everything okay?” she asked, a change of tone evident in her voice.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine,” I said brushing my hand in the air like there wasn’t anything wrong.

 

“Okay, um…I can be there in about half an hour. Is that okay?” she asked and I nodded my head before I said anything.

 

“Sounds good,” I said feeling my nerves growing.

 

“Okay, I’ll see you then. Bye,” she said softly and I shook my head not knowing what I was getting myself into. How much longer was I going to have to keep this charade up? It had already been a few weeks and to be honest, not seeing Delphine as often as I use to was killing me. I could tell every time I ran into her and Shay was with me, she distanced herself from me.

 

I would see her from across the room and I would smile and wave. The second she would see that Shay was with me, I could see her smile waver slightly. I felt so bad canceling plans with her these past few weeks because Shay told me to. I was looking forward to tonight but at the same time I was dreading it. Was this plan even working? I feel like Delphine and I are drifting apart rather than becoming closer.

 

I sighed out and glanced at the clock knowing Delphine would be here in half an hour. I threw myself on the couch and turned on some music to drown out my thoughts until she arrived.

 

/

 

“Hey, come in,” I said opening the door for Delphine. I could see her glance inside the apartment and look from side to side. She was probably wondering if Shay was here.

 

“Where’s Shay?” she asked sliding the coat off her shoulders leaving her in a white tank top. My eyes roamed her back and I could see her black bra peaking through the sides of her shirt.

 

“Uh, she’s working tonight,” I said tearing my eyes away from her back as she turned around.

 

“Oh,” she said nodding her head and looking away from me. I nodded my head as well and looked down at my feet as I gulped nervously.

 

“So, what is it that you wanted to talk about?” she asked raising her eyebrows. My heart was beating out of my chest and I felt like I was going to collapse right there on the floor.

 

“Let’s go sit down,” I said motioning towards the couch. I walked wobbly over towards the couch and immediately sat down feeling a little bit better.

 

“Cosima, what’s going on? You look like you’re going to pass out. Are you sick?” Delphine said worriedly as she reached up and placed her palm against my forehead. Her warm touch sent tingles down my spine and I closed my eyes savoring her gentle touch.

 

“No, no I’m just…”I started to say but couldn’t get the words out.

 

“Cosima, what is it?” she asked scooting closer towards me and placing her other hand gently on my shoulder.

 

“I…I need your help,” I managed to get out and she just stared at me confused.

 

“Help with what?” she asked and I closed my eyes one more time and took a deep breath.

 

“I umm…so you know how this is my first relationship with a girl, right?” I asked to which she just nodded her head.

 

“I…what I’m trying to say is…Shay has so much more experience than I do and…” I said hoping she would get the hint. Probably not though because I’m not even sure what I just said.

 

“And what?” she asked shaking her head lightly.

 

“I just don’t know how to…you know… _please_ her,” I said looking away from Delphine. My God, I felt like burying myself into the cushions of my couch. How pathetic did that sound? I was going to seriously slap Shay for putting me up to this.

 

Delphine’s eyes widened slightly and she removed her hand from my shoulder slowly. She looked a bit uncomfortable and she scooted away from me a bit.

 

“How am I supposed to help you with that?” she asked softly avoiding eye contact.

 

“God Delphine, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” I said reaching out and placing my hand on her thigh.

 

“It’s just… I don’t know who else to talk to about this but you. You’re my best friend,” I said shrugging my shoulders as she looked up at me. The room was silent for a few more moments and I silently cursed myself for giving in and going through with this ridiculous idea.

 

“I’m sorry, just…just forget I asked anything,” I said waving my hands in the air. I shook my head and stood up from the couch but Delphine’s hand grabbed my wrist not letting me go any further.

 

“Wait,” she said tugging me back towards the couch.

 

“Delphine, really it’s okay,” I said shaking my head down towards her, as she stayed seated on the couch.

 

“Sit down,” she said tugging my wrist gently. I hesitated a bit before I nodded and sat back down besides her.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to react like that,” she said and I shook my head and was about to say she had nothing to apologize for but she stopped me. She reached out and gently grasped my shoulders in her hands.

 

“What can I do to help?” she asked and I froze for a few seconds. Did I just hear correctly? She was going to help me?

 

“Uh, anything you can tell me would help. God, I’m so embarrassed,” I said leaning forward and placing my head in my hands. Delphine rubbed her hands gently on my back and pulled me back up.

 

“Hey,” she said reaching up and cupping both my cheeks in her warm hands, “ don’t ever feel embarrassed to ask me anything, okay?” she said brushing her thumbs back and forth across my cheeks.

 

“Okay, uh…I don’t even know what to ask,” I said shaking my head. Why didn’t Shay write down a list of questions I should ask? On second thought, Shay’s list of questions would have probably been outrageous and downright embarrassing.

 

“Just ask what’s on your mind,” Delphine said softly putting a reassuring hand on my thigh and squeezing gently.

 

“So you know how Shay is the first girl I’ve been with?” I said making up something in my head to get the conversation going.

 

“Uh huh,” Delphine said nodding her head slowly and looking down into her lap. The smile on her face disappeared lightly and I felt so bad for lying to her like this.

 

“Our first kiss was pretty much a disaster,” I said trying to lighten the conversation but Delphine did nothing but stare back at me.

 

“How um…how do you like to be kissed? I mean…in general,” I shook my head at how bad that sounded.

 

“Well it all depends on who’s kissing me and what the situation is,” she said shrugging her shoulders.

 

“Oh okay,” I said nodding my head awkwardly.

 

“There has to be passion though. Nothing is worse then when someone kisses you and there’s no heat…no passion,” she said moving her hands in the air like she was trying to gather energy.

 

“A real turn off is when someone just shoves their tongue in your mouth the first chance they get,” Delphine went on and I just nodded. I couldn’t agree more.

 

“It also depends on the situation, too. The kind of mood I’m in. Do I want soft and slow? Do I want it fast and hard? Do I want you to seduce me?” she asked going on and I gulped nervously. The way Delphine spoke with such passion in her voice was mesmerizing. The way she closed her eyes and used her hands to speak was something I could watch all day.

 

“Not all girls are the same so I can’t speak for everyone but always make sure to pick up on those little things,” she said nodding her head at me and I cleared my throat trying to think of something else to ask. My eyes were completely focused on her lips as she stuck her tongue out and licked them slowly.

 

“Okay,” I said clearing my throat slightly, “What about touching?” I asked raising my eyebrows.

 

“Again it all depends on the situation. I like it when someone….”she said again trying to speak with her hands.

 

“Get up,” she said standing up from the couch and I just stared at her for a few seconds before nodding and standing up.

 

“Turn around,” she said motioning with her finger for me to turn around. What was she going to do? I honestly didn’t care at this moment and would do anything she asked me to so I turned around.

 

“I’m going to show you how I like to be touched. Is…is that okay if I do it to you?” Delphine whispered gently behind me. I turned my head around and couldn’t even decipher anything to say so I just nodded.

 

“Turn around,” she said stepping closer behind me. If it wasn’t hot in the room before, it definitely was now. I could feel Delphine’s body heat radiating against mine as she stood behind me and I closed my eyes and felt completely at ease.

 

“Can I take off your sweater? It would be easier to sh-“ she started to say but before she even finished I had yanked my sweater off completely and threw it onto the couch. I cursed myself lightly as I turned my back to her once again. How completely desperate did that look?

 

I stood there for a few moments wondering what Delphine was doing behind me. I didn’t hear any movement and I wondered if she was having second thoughts. I was about to turn around but stopped when I felt soft hands on my waist. My tank top had risen up lightly so Delphine’s hands were on my bare waist. Her touch sent shivers down my spine and I almost collapsed on the floor when I felt Delphine press her front to my back fully. The warmth that spread through my body with her touch was unexplainable. Her hands slowly caressed the bare skin of my lower stomach as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

 

“I love it when someone wraps their arms around me from behind,” she whispered into my ear. I felt my knees shaking and I seriously felt like I was going to collapse on the floor any second. I had no other choice but to lean back into Delphine’s embrace. To my surprise, she held me even tighter and tucked her head into my neck.

 

“I like it when someone ghosts their lips across the skin of my neck just barely touching me,” she said moving my hair to the side lightly as she tucked her mouth into my neck.

 

“Is this okay? Do you want me to stop?” she asked and all I could do was shake my head and place my hands on top of her own silently telling her not to move.

 

“It’s all about the seduction,” she whispered into my ear sending the little hairs on the back of my neck straight up. Was it possible to be this turned on from someone whispering into your ear?

 

“Does that help?” she asked slowly removing her arms from around my waist. As she took a step back, I wasn’t expecting it and my knees buckled. I closed my eyes ready to hit the floor but Delphine wrapped her arms quickly around my waist and pulled me back up.

 

“Are you okay?” she whispered and my face turned a bright shade of red. Did I seriously just almost collapse?

 

“Uh yeah…” I said finally gaining my strength back and stepping forward and out of her embrace.

 

“Did I make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry if I…” she started to say but I immediately put my hands up and stopped her.

 

“Oh God, Delphine. No, you didn’t,” I said shaking my head at her as she took a step away from me and stared into my eyes worriedly.

 

“Umm… as far as the more _sexual_ stuff, I’m not sure if you want to get into that,” she said looking a bit hesitant.

 

“I do,” I said and I cursed myself once again for sounding so desperate. I really needed to work on not blurting stuff out.

 

“You do?” she asked sounding quite surprised.

 

“Uh, yeah. I mean…as long as you’re comfortable with it,” I said trying not to sound as desperate as I was before.

“Um, okay,” she said nodding her head and eyeing my bedroom out of the corner of her eye.

 

“Should we go to my bedroom?” I asked wondering if she was thinking the same thing. Delphine just nodded and walked slowly past me and into my bedroom. She looked…nervous? anxious?

 

“Um…I’ve kinda been the one showing you everything but how about this time I tell you what to do and you can practice?” she asked as she turned around and faced me as I entered my room. She wanted me to _practice_ on her?

 

“Cosima?” she asked snapping me out of my wandering thoughts.

 

“Cool,” I said nervously. Cool? Who says that?

 

“Uh,” Delphine started to say as she rubbed the back of her neck slightly, “well how about we start with you picking me up,” she said and my eyes widened. Did she just say to pick her up? As in lift her into my arms?

 

“Wait, we don’t have to do that though. I am taller than you,” she said brushing her hand in the air like it was no big deal.

 

“I want to try,” I blurted out. Seriously, I needed some damn duct tape for my mouth!

 

“Are you sure?” she asked and I nodded as a smile spread across her face.

 

“You’re gonna throw out your back,” she said chuckling lightly.

 

“Hey, now,” I said pointing my finger towards her playfully, “don’t underestimate my strength,” I said lifting my arms out in the air and flexing teasingly.

 

“Okay, well don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she said putting her arms up in defeat.

 

“Okay, so how do I pick you up?” I asked stepping closer towards her. She put her finger up motioning for me to hold on and I watched as she stepped out of her shoes and placed them in the corner of my room.

 

“Bend down and wrap your arms around my waist and lift me up. I’ll wrap my legs around your waist,” Delphine said and I could only nod at her instructions. I stepped closer to her and bent down slightly wrapping my arms around her waist. The smell of her perfume invaded my nostrils and I inhaled gently. I’d never get tired of that scent.

 

“Like this?” I whispered and she shook her head slowly.

 

“Wrap your arms around me lower,” she whispered back. I nodded once again and let my arms lower further down her waist. I heard Delphine’s breath hitch as I gathered my strength and lifted her up into my arms. She immediately wrapped her arms around my neck and simultaneously wrapped her legs around my waist.

 

“Told you I could do it,” I said smiling at her as I saw a grin spread across her face.

 

“I’m sorry I underestimated you,” she said playfully.

 

“Alright, we’d obviously be kissing right now but we’re not going to practice that,” Delphine said squeezing her legs around my waist even tighter. I wanted nothing more than to protest but that would look bad on my part because the only reason we were doing this was because of my _girlfriend._

 

“Walk me over to the bed and lay me down,” Delphine said leaning forward and whispering in my ear. There went the shivers once again and I focused as hard as I could not to drop Delphine. Not because she was heavy but because she was making me weak in the knees again.

 

I carefully walked Delphine over to the bed and lowered her to the bed gently. She didn’t unwrap her legs from around my waist and I paused for a second. Did she want me to stay between her legs?

 

“Lie down on top of me,” she said pulling me down towards her. I gulped nervously and lowered my body on top of hers holding my weight up with my hands.

 

“If this is making you uncomfortable we can stop,” Delphine said brushing her hand across my cheek trying to get me to look at her.

 

“No, I’m good,” I said trying to sound nonchalant. I doubt it came across that way though.

 

“Obviously clothes are going to come off but again we’re not going to practice that,” Delphine whispered as she moved my hair behind my shoulders that was falling forward.

 

“Uh…I’m not really sure what to tell you next. I’ve never been with a woman,” she said and I just nodded getting lost in her eyes. My body moved with hers with each breath she took and I’ve never felt like I belonged in someone’s arms more than I did in this moment.

 

“Do you like uh…” I started to ask, too embarrassed to even finish the question. Delphine’s hands were gently roaming my lower back and it was a bit hard to focus to tell you the truth.

 

“Just ask me,” Delphine said nodding her head up towards me reassuringly.

 

“How do you like to be _touched_?” I asked and I could literally feel Delphine’s breathing increase as I moved with her every time she inhaled and exhaled.

 

“I…umm,” she started to say and now that I thought of it, asking that question was a little too personal. Her breathing seemed to become faster with every second. I brought one of my hands up and brushed a few curls away that had fallen onto her cheek. She closed her eyes at my touch and I took in every detail I possibly could of her in that moment. Her cute little mole just beneath her mouth, the curves of her lips, and the way her breath felt on my lips as she breathed in and out.

 

Before I could tell her she didn’t have to answer my question, she surged forward and pressed her lips against my own.

* * *

 

 

 

;)     Thoughts?

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Delphine’s soft lips were pressed against mine for a few seconds before she jerked away suddenly. Before I could even process what was happening she was pushing me away gently.

 

“I…I don’t know why I just did that,” she said shaking her head as she grasped my waist in her hands and pushed me to the side of the bed. I was too shocked to form any kind of words and all I could do was watch as she stood up from the bed quickly.

 

She _kissed_ me.

 

I sat on my bed with my mouth hanging open slightly as I watched Delphine pace back and forth across the room. She was mumbling words in French and shaking her head back and forth.

 

“Cosima, I did not mean to do that,” she sighed out as she stood at the foot of my bed. My eyes traveled down to her hands and I could see she was grasping her shirt so tightly her knuckles were turning white.

 

“Uh…why did you then?” I asked clearing my throat. Delphine sighed out and sat down at the end of the bed. She placed her head in her hands and I didn’t know whether I should say something to comfort her or not.

 

“You’re confusing me,” she whispered and if I hadn’t been listening intently, I would have missed it. What did that mean?

 

I crawled gently over towards her and swung my legs over the side of the bed so I was seated next to her. I reached out and hovered my hand over her back hesitantly not knowing whether I should touch her or not.

 

I slowly let my hand lower towards her back and she jumped as my hand came in contact with her. She stood up from the bed again and turned towards me.

 

“I need to go,” she said and before I could get a word out, she turned around and headed for the door.

 

“Wait. Delphine,” I called out as I chased after her. She had grabbed her coat and almost made it to the door but I stepped in front of it just in time.

 

“Wait, let’s just talk for a second,” I said placing my hands in the air signaling for her to stop.

 

“I really have to go,” she said shakily avoiding eye contact.

 

“What did you mean when you said I was confusing you?” I asked resting my back against the door.

 

“I…God,” she said running her hands through her curled hair. She threw her purse down gently on the floor and walked backwards towards my couch. I followed after her and waited for her to say something. I needed to know what she meant when she said I was confusing her.

 

“Delphine, talk to me,” I said pleadingly as she sat down on the couch with her head in her hands.

 

“It’s just…I don’t know what’s going on with me,” she said bringing her head up from her hands. I sat down gently on the table in front of her and waited for her to continue.

 

“These past few weeks have just been really confusing,” she said vaguely, “I should be angry at you right now but I’m not,” she said finally looking up at me.

 

“Why?” I asked confused.

 

“Are you serious? You have no idea why I would be upset with you?” she asked quite upset and I shook my head gently back and forth.

 

“Do you realize this is the first time we’ve hung out in _weeks_? You’ve cancelled all of our other plans these past few weeks. I understand you have a girlfriend but I’m still your best friend,” she said leaning back against the couch and I immediately felt guilty.

 

“I’m sorry. I know, I’ve been a shitty friend these past few weeks,” I said reaching out and placing my hand on top of hers. Her eyes traveled down towards our hands and she didn’t pull away this time.

 

“The only reason you invited me over today was because of Shay. Not because you wanted to see me or hang out with me,” she said pulling her hand away from my grip.

 

“That’s not true. I wanted to see you,” I said scooting forward on the table and grasping her hand in my own again. She continued to shake her head and I stood up from the table and sat down next to her.

 

“Why did you kiss me?” I asked bluntly. I needed to know.

 

“It doesn’t matter. You have a girlfriend,” she said trying to get up from the couch but I grabbed her arm and pulled her down not letting her leave.

 

“Why did you do it?” I asked firmly once again.

 

“Please, just stop. Can’t you see how confusing this is for me?” she said trying to pull her arm out of my grasp but I wouldn’t let go. She grabbed my hand that was wrapped around her arm and tried prying my grip open.

 

I didn’t know what else to do to keep her seated on the couch so I did the next thing that came to mind. I threw one of my legs over her lap and straddled her not letting her stand up. Delphine’s eyes widened and she immediately stopped fighting me.

 

“Cosima, what are you doing?” she asked holding her hands up in the air not touching me.

 

“Look at me,” I said reaching up and cupping her cheeks. My eyes traveled down towards her lips and I could see they were quivering slightly. Our lips were literally inches apart and I watched as Delphine’s eyes traveled down towards my lips.

 

“Cosima, you need to get off of me or I’m gonna…” she started to say but never completed her sentence. I couldn’t help but run the pad of my thumb gently across her quivering lip.

 

“You’re going to what?” I whispered as she gripped my waist in her hands. Delphine’s tongue poked out licking her lips and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Her small breaths were hitting my chin and the next thing I knew she leaned forward and captured my lips once again. I gasped into her mouth and immediately wrapped my arms around her neck pulling her into me.

 

Her hands traveled up my back and pulled me forward as our lips stayed connected. Delphine whimpered gently into my mouth and I couldn’t help but open my mouth and capture her lips once again. My lips wrapped around her bottom lip and I leaned forward as Delphine rested her head on the back of the couch.

 

My hands traveled into her blonde curls and our lips continued to move back and forth against one another.

 

“What are we doing?” she whispered pulling away before leaning back in and kissing me once again.

 

My hands tangled in her hair as I tilted my head to the side deepening our kiss.

 

“We’re kissing,” I said pulling away from her lips. I leaned back in and softly trailed kisses along her jawline. Delphine squeezed my waist as she breathed heavily into my ear. My kisses traveled down her neck and I opened my mouth sucking the skin of her neck into my mouth.

 

“Cosima,” Delphine moaned out and the sound of her voice right now had to be the sexiest thing I’d ever heard. The sound of her voice had dropped an octave and I couldn’t help but moan along with her. I poked me tongue out gently and lightly licked the side of her neck before trailing my kisses back up towards her mouth.

 

“Wait, wait stop,” she said breathlessly against my lips. I opened my eyes gently and stared down at her lips, the lips that I had in my mouth just seconds ago. I licked my lips and leaned forward once again pecking her on the lips. I couldn’t help it, her lips were like a drug.

 

“You kissed me again,” I whispered against her lips.

 

“Why did you kiss me back?” she asked slowly opening her eyes.

 

“I’ve dreamt of doing that for _three_ years, Delphine,” I said cupping her cheeks in my hands.

 

“What about Shay?” she asked raising her eyebrows curiously.

 

“Shay’s great but…she’s not _you_ ,” I said softly.

 

“Cosima, I honestly don’t know how I feel about you,” she whispered gently against my lips.

 

“These past couple of weeks I’ve just been so jealous of Shay and that you were spending all your time with her. It kind of felt like I was being replaced,” she said and I immediately shook my head.

 

“No one could _ever_ replace you, Delphine,” I said truthfully. Delphine was the most important person in my life. I wondered if she felt the same way about me.

 

“After you kissed me that night…I went home and all I could think about was you,” she said rubbing her hands gently against my waist.

 

“I was so confused and after you told me how you felt about me…I didn’t know what to do,” she said.

 

“Then Shay came into the picture and…God you have no idea how jealous I got every time I would see you two together,” she revealed.

 

“The way she would hold you and make you laugh just made me so upset. To see you act that way around someone else just drove me a little crazy,” she said and I nodded my head feeling extremely guilty.

 

“I would fall asleep at night thinking of you and how you were probably falling asleep next to her instead of me,” she said shakily. Her voice quivered lightly and I felt like such a jerk for not realizing how she felt sooner.

 

“But Mark was there for me,” she said and I frowned lightly at the sound of his name.

 

“We’re uh…we’re actually dating now,” she said and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She was with Mark now? As in she was his _girlfriend_?

 

“What?” I asked cocking my head back lightly and shaking my head.

 

“Yeah, he asked me to be his girlfriend last week…and I said yes,” Delphine said looking away from me as I continued to shake my head.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked knitting my eyebrows towards her.

 

“I _did_ try to tell you. Every time we made plans you always cancelled them. I figured if you didn’t care enough to see me then you could just find out on your own,” Delphine replied.

 

“Have you slept with him?” I asked leaning back against her lap creating some distance between us. I needed to know. Even if I hated the answer, I needed to know.

 

“Why does that matter?” she asked knitting her eyebrows as her hands fell from my waist.

 

“I just…I can’t stand the thought of him being with you,” I said disgusted by the thought. I knew he would automatically go and brag to his friends that he finally got Delphine into bed. I’d heard him talk to his friends about girls he’d slept with and it absolutely disgusted me.

 

“I haven’t slept with him yet,” she said and I sighed out in relief.

 

“We’re going away next weekend though. His parents are going out of town and they want him to watch the house for the weekend,” she said and I frowned. He was taking her up to his parents’ house? What the hell?

 

“No,” I said shaking my head.

 

“No?” she asked quirking her eyebrows up.

 

“Please don’t go,” I pleaded with her.

 

“Cosima,” she said shaking her head but I reached forward and cupped her cheeks in my hands once again getting her to look at me.

 

“Be with me,” I whispered against her lips. My lips were drawn to hers and I couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss her softly.

 

“Cosima, stop,” she said pulling away from me after a few moments.

 

“We’re both in relationships now. We can’t just end them,” she said and that was it. I couldn’t take all the lying and secrets anymore. It was time to come clean and tell her everything.

 

I knew I should wait and ask Shay what to do but in this moment I couldn’t stop myself. What I had ultimately done was push Delphine into Mark’s arms. Now she was going away with him and that was something I just couldn’t take.

 

“It’s not real,” I said shakily against her lips.

 

“What isn’t real?” she asked looking confused.

 

“Um…Shay and I aren’t really together,” I said and Delphine just stared at me for a few moments with no expression on her face.

 

“What do you mean you’re not really together?” she asked and I gulped nervously because she looked upset.

 

“Okay, please don’t be upset but she was just pretending to be my girlfriend,” I said and Delphine shook her head and pushed me gently to the side and off her lap.

 

“That night Mark called you and I got all upset I went to this bar and that’s where I met her,” I said nodding my head and Delphine just stared at me frowning lightly.

 

“I was really drunk and I guess I started talking about you and the next morning she said she would help me out,” I said cringing lightly at how angry Delphine looked right now.

 

“Help you out _how_?” she asked crossing her arms in front of her torso.

 

“I told her how I felt about you and she offered to help me uh…get you to realize how you really feel about me,” I said reaching out for her hand but she yanked it back forcefully.

 

“So everything with you guys was all just for _show_?” she asked frowning like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

 

“Um, yeah,” I said nodding my head gently.

 

“Are you serious, Cosima? I can’t believe you would do something like this,” she said shaking her head angrily as she stood up from the couch. I jumped up from the couch and followed after her.

 

“Wait, please. I just…I didn’t know what else to do,” I said pleadingly trying to get her not to leave.

 

“You didn’t know what else to do?” she asked rhetorically, “How about you talk to me like an adult? Not go behind my back and make up some bullshit relationship to make me realize my feelings for you,” she said raising her voice and I shook my head.

 

“I’m sorry. I knew it was a stupid idea but I wanted to be with you so bad and Shay said this would work,” I said reaching out for her once again only for her to pull away from me roughly.

 

“ _Don’t_ touch me,” she said angrily.

 

“Was this all part of your plan? Huh? Get me to come over here and ask for _advice_ on your girlfriend? To make me jealous?” she asked and all I could do was nod slowly.

 

“You are _unbelievable_ ,” she said furiously as she yanked on her coat. She wrapped her scarf roughly around her neck and picked her purse up off the floor.

 

“Wait, please. Don’t go, let me explain,” I said pleadingly. Tears were filling my eyes and I couldn’t let her go like this. I had to explain everything to her. God, how could I have been so stupid to go along with this plan? I knew it would eventually blow up in my face.

 

“I’ve _always_ been honest with you, Cosima. I’ve always encouraged you to be open with me, to be honest. I would never have gone behind your back and done something like this,” she said looking down at me as she shook her head. I’d never seen her look so…disappointed in me.

 

She shook her head once more at me before yanking the door open and walking out. I stood there and watched her disappear down the hallway as tears fell down my cheeks.

 

Everything was ruined and I had absolutely no one to blame but myself.

 

* * *

 

0_0    


	7. Chapter 7

My body was sprawled across the couch as I watched the second hand on the clock tick with every second that passed. Three days had passed since I last spoke to Delphine and there was nothing I could do to change it. So many of my calls went unanswered and none of my texts were ever responded to. I had been to Delphine’s apartment several times but she either wasn’t home or just didn’t want to answer the door.

 

The sound of my door unlocking couldn’t even get me to move from my couch. I knew who it was. Shay had told me she was going to stop by later this afternoon and honestly, I just wanted to be alone. She didn’t take no for an answer though.

 

“Hey,” she said placing a few bags on the counter. I didn’t bother to respond, just brought my hand up lazily from the couch and waved.

 

“Cosima, have you moved since I left yesterday?” she asked walking over towards me. I quickly shut my eyes and placed my forearm over my eyes not wanting to see the look of disappointment in her eyes.

 

“Cosima, I know this is hard for you but you need to get up,” she said sitting down on the couch next to me. I sighed out and I just wanted to fall asleep. I hadn’t slept more than a few hours the past three days because everytime I shut my eyes, Delphine’s hurt and angered face plagued my mind.

 

“I just want to sleep,” I mumbled tiredly.

 

“I’m gonna run you a warm bath. I’ll be back in five minutes,” she said squeezing my hand softly. I didn’t even have the energy to tell her no. I just wanted to shut my eyes and not think of _her_. She was on my mind almost every minute and it was killing me.

 

I could feel my lower lip quivering as I felt tears fill up in my eyes. I’m surprised I even had any tears left considering the amount of crying I had done the last few days. I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t let me talk and explain everything to her.

 

“It’s almost ready,” Shay said walking back into the room. I didn’t bother moving though because I had no intention of getting up from this couch.

 

“Don’t make me have to carry you,” Shay said as she stood at the end of the couch.

 

“I just want to lay here,” I sighed out.

 

I could hear Shay sigh out and the next thing I knew, she lifted me into her arms and carried me to the bath. I didn’t even put up a fight, I didn’t have the energy to do so.

 

“I’m going to put you down,” she said lowering me to the ground. I kept my eyes closed and just wanted to crawl into my bed and block out the whole world.

 

“Let’s take off your shirt,” she said grasping the end of my shirt and sliding it upwards. I opened my eyes and lifted my arms lightly letting her slide my shirt up and off my body. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and shivered as I stood there in only my bra and pants.

 

“Now your pants,” she said hooking her thumbs into the side of my pants and pulling downwards. I brought my hands up and rested them on her shoulders as I stepped out of my pants.

 

“There’s no need to be shy now. I’ve seen your boobs,” she said smiling down at me. Her arms wrapped around my back and with one quick swipe, the hook to my bra was undone.

 

“Take off your panties,” she whispered and I just nodded as I stared into her eyes. She never looked away from my eyes as I lowered my panties. All she did was grasp my hands and help me into the bubble bath she had run for me.

 

“This feels nice,” I said resting my head on the back of the tub.

 

“Good, I was hoping you’d say that,” she said taking a seat next to the tub. Now that I thought about it, it was Friday night. Shouldn’t Shay be out with her friends having a good time? Now I felt guilty that she was here taking care of me.

 

“You know, you don’t have to take care of me like this,” I said turning my head slightly so I was looking at her.

 

“It’s no big deal,” she said brushing her hand in the air.

 

“No, seriously. It’s Friday night and you could be out with your friends but instead you’re here taking care of me,” I said shaking my head lightly.

 

“You’re my friend,” she said softly.

 

“Yeah, but you know what I mean,” I said running my hands over the layer of bubbles at the surface of the water.

 

“I like spending time with you,” Shay said leaning her head slowly onto the side of the tub.

 

“Why? I’m such a mess,” I said leaning my head back once again onto the tub.

 

“It doesn’t matter. I still like you,” she said and I glanced over towards her. She was just staring at me as she rested her chin on top of her hands.

“I’m really glad I met you. I haven’t been this close to another woman since I met Delphine,” I said placing my hand gently over hers that was resting on the tub.

 

“You finally feel comfortable around me? You couldn’t even stand close to me without feeling awkward when we first met,” she said as a smile grew across her face.

 

“I feel completely comfortable around you. I just stripped naked in front of you and got in this bath,” I said smiling right back at her.

 

“So does this mean we can walk around your apartment in the nude now?” she asked with a smirk.

 

“Oh yeah, definitely. You might as well jump in the bath with me while you’re at it,” I said kiddingly.

 

“Oh really? Well in that case,” she said standing up from the floor, “make some room for me,” she said and my eyes widened slightly. Was she serious? My mouth dropped open slightly as I watched her lift her shirt up and throw it to the side. I was too shocked to say anything as I watched her unzip her pants and lower them down her smooth white legs.

 

“Like what you see?” she asked winking at me. I glanced to the side but quickly looked away as I saw Shay standing there in only her bra and panties. I gulped nervously. Her body was literally perfect.

 

“I’m not ashamed of my body. You can look,” she said as I stared down at the bubbles in the bath.

 

“It’s not that, I just…I didn’t think you’d actually get in with me,” I said laughing slightly at the situation.

 

“You offered, didn’t you? I thought you were comfortable around me,” she said and I nodded still avoiding looking at her body.

 

“I am comfortable around you. I just don’t normally take baths with my friends,” I said clearing my throat lightly. I shut my eyes as Shay stepped into the bath with her bran and panties and sat opposite me. The water level rose slightly sending some spilling over the edge but that was the least of my worries.

 

“Damn, I make a good bubble bath,” Shay said sighing out as she laid her head back against the bathtub. Her legs gently brushed against mine and I gulped again.

 

“Cosima, look at me. I can get out if you want me to,” she said and I quickly shook my head.

 

“No, no you’re fine. I just…I’ve never done this with anyone before,” I said finally gaining the courage to look up at her.

 

“Well I’m glad I could be your first. Now shh, let’s just relax,” Shay said winking at me.

 

My eyes shut slowly as I tried to get myself to relax. I could feel my tense muscles starting to loosen and I breathed in deeply. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep for a few hours.

 

/

 

“Babe, you need to get out,” Shay whispered next to me. I opened my eyes lightly and shivered at the cool temperature of the water. How long had we been in here? The water felt cold as I rubbed my hands up and down my arms trying to create some heat.

 

“Stand up,” Shay said holding out a towel for me. I grasped the edge of the tub and stood up letting the cool water cascade down my body. Shay wrapped the warm towel around my body and I shivered in her arms as she dried me off.

 

“I wanted to let you sleep but the water was getting cold,” Shay said pulling me into her arms as she tried to warm me up.

 

“Come on, let’s get dressed and go get something to eat,” Shay whispered in my ear as she patted my back lightly.

 

We both dressed quickly and to be honest, I felt a bit more relaxed. I smiled at Shay as she wrapped her scarf around her neck. I don’t know what I would be doing if Shay hadn’t come by. She had been so great these past few days, she was honestly becoming an amazing friend.

 

When I told her what happened between Delphine and I, all she did was pull me into her arms and hug me tightly. She didn’t scold me for ruining the plan, she didn’t bombard me with questions as to what happened, she was just there for me.

 

I felt Shay’s hand tangle together with mine as we walked down the sidewalk. My eyes glanced down towards our joined hands and I smiled once again at Shay as we made our way down the sidewalk.

 

“I’m feeling pizza, is that okay?” Shay asked swinging our hands lightly.

 

“Yeah, sounds good,” I said squeezing Shay’s hand gently. We walked the next few minutes in silence but it wasn’t by any means awkward. I felt we were at the point where silence between us wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t awkward.

 

“Hey, look. There’s Cosima and Shay,” I heard someone say in front of us and my heart stopped. There, a few feet away from us was Delphine and Mark. He had his arm wrapped around her waist as they walked closer towards us and my heart sank.

 

Delphine slowed down the second she saw me and just stared back at me. Her eyes traveled down to my hand and I looked down to where she was staring. I immediately pulled my hand away from Shay’s.

 

“Hey guys,” Mark said waving lightly as he stopped in front of us. I didn’t even bother to look at him, all I could do was stare at Delphine. Shay started talking to Mark but I completely tuned them out as I stared back at Delphine. Her arm was hooked into Marks elbow and I saw her grip tighten around his arm.

 

“Hi,” I said softly towards her. For the first time in a long time, I couldn’t read her expression.

 

“Hey,” she replied back looking down at the floor. I’ve never felt like such a stranger to Delphine than in this moment. She barely looked at me, her eyes were focused on the floor the entire time.

 

“That okay, babe?” Mark asked nudging Delphine. I knitted my eyebrows and wondered what he was talking about.

 

“Huh?” she asked raising her eyebrows.

 

“Shay invited us to her bar. I told her we were going out for drinks and she offered to hook us up,” he said and I glanced over at Shay. She just winked at me and I frowned. What was she planning?

 

“Uh…” she started to say but before she could even reply Mark nodded his head over to Shay.

 

“Lead the way,” he said holding his hand out in the air and I rolled my eyes. This was going to be interesting.

 

/

 

Mark was taking full advantage of the free drinks and from the looks of it, so was Delphine. She was swaying back and forth in her seat to the music while Mark was playing pool with some guys he had met. Delphine’s eyes were glazed slightly and she had a lazy smile across her face as she sipped her drink from a straw.

 

“I need to go to the bathroom, “ Delphine said all of a sudden, stumbling as she stood up from her seat. I immediately stood up with her and placed my hand on her back to keep her from falling backwards.

 

“I’ll go with you,” I said and Delphine just shook her head back and forth.

 

“I can go alone,” she murmured, trying to take a step only to start swaying to one side.

 

“I have to go, too. Come on,” I said wrapping my arm around her waist and leading her to the private restroom in the kitchen. I knew the other restroom was going to be crowded and Shay nodded that I could take her to the other one.

 

“You hurt me,” Delphine whispered out and I immediately loosened my grip around her waist. Was I holding on to her too tightly? I loosened my grip and brought both of my hands up to her hips as I stood in front of her.

 

“I just don’t want you to fall,” I said holding her waist gently in my hands.

 

“You hurt me,” she repeated and I now realized she was talking about our last conversation. I looked down towards the floor and nodded my head.

 

“I know and I’m sorry,” I said looking up at her.

 

“You lied to me,” she said frowning as she took a step towards me.

 

“Why didn’t you just talk to me? Ask me how I was feeling?” she asked crossing her arms across her torso.

 

“Delphine, it took me _three_ years to gain the courage to tell you about myself. Do you know how hard it would be to come out and ask you if you have any kind of feelings for me? I was scared. I didn’t know how to ask you,” I said shrugging my shoulders.

 

“So you come up with this elaborate plan to find out? God, Cosima I don’t even know what to say to you,” she said bringing her hand up to her forehead and rubbing it lightly.

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll say it a thousand more times if it means you’ll forgive me,” I said pleadingly.

 

“I just…I’ve been in love with you for so long that I would have done anything to be with you,” I said causing Delphine to look at me. She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head to the side just a bit.

 

“You’re in love with me?” she asked barely above a whisper. Had I not mentioned that before?

 

“I…you didn’t know?” I asked softly to which she just shook her head gently from side to side.

 

“You told me you liked me. Not that you were in _love_ with me,” she said raising her eyebrows lightly.

 

“Oh, um…” I said looking away nervously. How did I just let that slip?

 

“Why me?” she asked and I knitted my eyebrows not really understanding what she was asking.

 

“What do you mean?” I asked.

 

“I mean out of all the girls in this school…I just don’t understand why you like me,” she said shrugging her shoulders as she looked down towards the floor. I frowned and didn’t understand why she would say that. Didn’t she know how beautiful she was? Inside and out? What a beautiful heart she had? How could I not fall for her?

 

“Why do you find it so hard to believe that I fell for you?” I asked curiously.

 

“I don’t know,” she said shaking her head as she ran her fingers through her blonde curls, “I’ve just always had issues with the way I look,” she said and I frowned. What did she mean?

 

“Issues?” I asked wanting to know exactly what she was talking about.

 

“Yeah I uh…when I was in boarding school I um…I was always picked on. Whether it be my weight, that I had no friends…it was always something and I became really depressed,” she said and I raised my eyebrows surprised to hear her say that. I had no idea she had such a hard time in school before she came to college. And she was depressed?

 

“I remember one time the other girls had played a game on who was the prettiest in the school and who was the ugliest. Can you guess which one I was voted?” she asked shrugging her shoulders.

 

“It got to the point where my parents pulled me out of school and got someone to home school me. When my Dad got the opportunity to come here and work, I was so excited. I just wanted to start anew and be someone entirely different from who I was back then. I guess those feelings still haunt me,” she said finally looking up and into my eyes. Her eyes were glassy and I knew she was on the verge of crying.

 

“I fell for you before we even met. Do you remember when we talked for the first time in this library?” I asked smiling at the memory of our first meeting.

 

_Flashback_

_My eyes peeked through the bookshelf as I took in the beautiful blonde sitting at the table in the corner. I had seen her a few times before that walking around campus. Each time I saw her, it’s like she got more beautiful._

_Her eyes frowned at her computer and I saw her reach her hand up to her forehead slowly rubbing it back and forth. She looked upset? Her eyes kept glancing over to the opposite corner of the room and I wondered what she was staring at. There was no one over there, nothing but a printer._

_Maybe if I walked past her she would ask me for help or I could offer her some help. That printer was a bitch and it took me forever to figure out how to connect it wirelessly to my computer. I took a deep breath and walked out from behind the bookshelves slowly. I grabbed a random book and started to slowly walk past her._

_“Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you but could you help me?” she said and I almost died when I heard her accent. She was French? She immediately became ten times sexier than I already found her._

_“Hey, yeah of course. What’s up?” I asked walking towards her. I placed my random book I had grabbed on her table and made my way beside her._

_“I do not know how to print from my computer. I’ve tried following these directions but they are quite confusing,” she said sighing out. I smiled and knew that was what she was having trouble with._

_“Oh yeah, of course I’ll help you with that. I actually had the same problem a few weeks ago. That printer can be a real bitch,” I said as she smiled up at me._

_“Uh, do you mind if I…” I said motioning towards her computer._

_“Oh yes, please,” she said sliding to the seat beside her and letting me take her seat. The scent of her perfume invaded my nose and I couldn’t help but think that was my new favorite smell._

_“So all you gotta do is go to the school website and enter your school ID. I see you already did that,” she said leaning into my side as she looked at the computer._

_“Of course there’s like ten printers to choose from but what I figured out is if you try printing anything in color, it won’t work. You gotta set it to the black and white one only,” I said quickly changing the printer to the correct one._

_“There we go,” I said setting the printer to automatic default._

_“Do you want to try printing something?” I asked sliding her computer over towards her._

_  
“Yes, let me see if it works,” she said and I watched as she brought up a document. She quickly set it to print and we both smiled as we heard the printer come to life._

_“Oh my God, I don’t know how to thank you,” she said smiling at me as I just waved my hand like it wasn’t a big deal._

_“I’m Delphine,” she said holding her hand out towards me and I immediately took her hand in my own shaking it softly._

_“Cosima,” I said cocking my head to the side smiling at her. My God, her smile could light up a room._

_“Enchanté,” she said and I smiled loving her beautiful accent. I could listen to her talk all day._

_“Enchanté,” I said squeezing her hand lightly._

_End Flashback_

 

“I remember,” she whispered softly.

 

“I walked past you hoping you would ask me something,” I chuckled.

 

“You did?” she asked, smiling as a stray tear cascaded down her cheek.

 

“Yeah, I remember just grabbing some random book from the shelf and slowly walking past you praying that you would ask me something,” I said.

 

“Delphine, look at me,” I said reaching forward slowly and cupping her cheeks in my hands.

 

“You are without a doubt, the most beautiful, kind, loving person I’ve ever met in my life. I would seriously have kicked every single one of those girls asses if I was in school with you before,” I said softly wiping away the tears that were falling from her eyes.

 

“Thanks,” she whispered and I slowly pulled my hands away from her face.

 

“I uh, I need to use the restroom,” she said and I nodded leading her into the back. The kitchen was already closed so it was just us back here.

 

“I’ll wait for you right here,” I said opening the door to the restroom for her.

 

“Okay,” she said walking inside and closing the door behind her. A few minutes passed and I was starting to wonder if Delphine was okay. I didn’t hear any movement and I hesitated on knocking on the door. I heard a small sniffle followed by a whimper and my heart started beating faster knowing she was crying. I placed my ear gently on the door and heard her whimper slightly again.

 

“Delphine?” I asked softly. She sniffled again and I reached out and placed my hand on the doorknob. All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and comfort her.

 

“Open the door,” I said jiggling the handle back and forth. My ear was still pressed against the bathroom door and I could hear Delphine start to cry even more.

 

“Delphine, please,” I pleaded outside the door as I jiggled the handle once again.

The sound of the door unlocking had me turning the doorknob quickly as I entered the bathroom. Delphine’s eyes were red and I watched her take a few steps backwards until her back was pressed against the wall.

 

I stepped inside and closed the door behind us. I didn’t know whether I should come any closer towards her considering she backed up all the way to the wall.

 

“I don’t know what to do anymore. Our relationship is never going to be what it use to,” she sighed out.

 

“What do you mean?” I asked taking a step towards her slowly.

 

“I mean we can’t just go back to being best friends after everything that’s happened between us,” she said tilting her head to the side.

 

“What are you saying?” I asked afraid of what she might say.

 

“I’m saying that maybe we should take a break from being friends for a while,” she said and I frowned as she looked away from me. I shook my head and opened my mouth trying to get something out but no words came to mind.

 

“No,” I whispered out and Delphine looked up at me as I took a few steps towards her.

 

“Cosima, I can’t do this anymore. It’s too confusing and honestly it’s destroying our relationship,” she said and I shook my head and took another step towards her until we were face to face.

 

“Tell me how you feel about me,” I asked reaching out and placing my hands on her waist.

 

“Cosima,” she said shaking her head lightly as she placed her hands on top of my own.

 

“Please, I need to know,” I said rubbing my thumbs gently against her waist.

 

“I…I like you,” she whispered and I couldn’t help the small smile that spread across my face.

 

“As more than a friend?” I asked needing clarification.

 

“Yes,” she whispered looking away from me. My smile grew even more and I couldn’t contain all the emotions I was feeling in this moment. The girl I had been in love with for three years just told me she liked me as more than a friend.

 

I took another small step towards her and leaned in, resting my forehead against her own. Delphine let out a shaky breath as she closed her eyes and placed her hands gently on my back.

 

“I don’t want to take a break,” I whispered against her mouth.

 

“I want to be with you,” I said leaning forward and brushing my lips gently against her cheek. Delphine’s breath hitched and I pulled back softly, resting my forehead against her own once again.

 

“I want to be the one who gets to hold you at night,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around her waist. Delphine shivered in my arms as I brushed my fingers up and down her back.

 

“I want to be the one who kisses you good morning and good night,” I continued, placing a soft kiss to her other cheek. Delphine sighed in my arms and tightened her grip around my waist.

 

“I want to be the one who takes you out on dates,” I whispered, placing a gentle kiss to her forehead. Delphine smiled and I brought my thumb up wiping a stray tear that had fallen down her cheek.

 

“And most of all, I want to be _yours,”_ I said leaning to the side once again to kiss her cheek. My lips never met the soft skin of her cheek though. Delphine turned her head to the side and our lips met for a gentle kiss.

 

Delphine sighed into my mouth and brought her hands up to my face, delicately cupping my cheeks as our lips stayed connected.

 

“When I kiss you, it feels like the whole world disappears and it’s just the two of us,” she said pulling away from my lips.

 

“I feel like that, too,” I replied leaning forward and pecking her gently on the lips.

 

“We should probably go back out there,” Delphine said gently pushing me to the side.

 

“Wait, what does this mean?” I asked as Delphine turned the handle to the doorknob. Her back was to me and she hesitated a few moments before turning around and walking back towards me. Her hands reached up cupping my cheeks as she pulled me in for a kiss.

 

My eyes immediately shut as our lips collided and my hands instinctively went to her waist. Delphine pulled away after a few moments, leaning her forehead gently against mine.

 

“We’ll figure it out,” she whispered. She slowly pulled away from me, brushing my bottom lip with the pad of her thumb before disappearing out of the restroom. My feet stayed planted on the floor as my heart continued to pound in my chest.

 

A small smile spread across my face as I exited the bathroom and made my way out to the bar.

 

 

/

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